Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Trying To Come Back

2011-10-23T04:15:00.000-07:00

It has been some time since I have blogged here. I was actually thinking that I wanted to delete this blog all together. Looking back over past blog posts, I did a lot of whining lol. I have changed over the past few years, up and down, good and bad. I didn't want to be reminded of some of those times. But, I read about our July 4th camping trip a few years ago, and it did make me happy. So, I am going to keep this blog, with all it's whiny posts, lol, and move forward.

So, not sure where I left off, but I will start with what's going on now.

My oldest just turned 15, and is now in 9th grade. We have home schooled for all of her school years. She is now part of an online high school. There is a lot of work to be done, but she's doing fine, and I am so proud of her!!!!

My twins are 13, and doing wonderful. They will be a part of the online high school next year, but for now, we'll do our own schooling with them.

We have been without a car since April. On our Easter trip to the bay area, our car broke down. We ended up renting a van to come home, leaving our car at Pep Boys there. We eventually sold it to a junk yard up there, who went and picked it up, sending us a check. Things have been challenging, but we're getting by.

I am very happy that the weather is starting to cool down, slowly. Soon the holidays will be here, and that thought thrills me!!

I hope to get back here often. Not sure that anyone reads, but I will post anyway. : )

Lost

2010-04-07T15:33:00.000-07:00

I was going to blog about another issue, but that will have to wait until another time. Right now, I am back to being lost again. And, this time, I don't know what to do about it. It's not like I'm single, and can go off and "find myself". I have to live my life, take care of my family, and somehow figure things out.

It's mostly about friendships right now. I wonder who my true friends are, who thinks of me as a friend. Lately, Facebook is a source of doubt for me. I leave comments for others, and sometimes they aren't responded to. That makes me wonder if I said the wrong thing? Did I offend them? Did I make things worse? I see everyone post about what they did, and often times, I feel left out. I want to be included. I need human contact. Whenever I try to get people together, it fails miserably. The ones I thought I could count on, should be able to count on, I can't. Including family. Sometimes I feel like I'm typing with invisible ink.

What has happened to me???!!! I feel like an emo teenager, back in high school again!!! I don't like drama, but here I am, creating my own, and I don't like it!!! But, I'm not happy with myself. I feel like I should be doing more, I want to be doing more, but I don't know what. I don't know how to fix myself this time.

Country Music

2010-03-04T00:57:00.000-08:00

My husband has asked me a few times in the past why I like country music. I really wasn't able to put it into words. I just like it, and it makes me happy to listen to it.

But, last week, watching a video by Uncle Kracker (of all people lol) it suddenly came to me. The video was for the song Smile. The basic meaning of the song, is that when he thinks of this person, he smiles. With most country songs, what you see, or hear in this case, is what you get. There aren't any secret, hidden meanings, and they aren't singing about drugs, or gangs or anything like that. When you listen to it, the lyrics are clear, and you can relate most things to your own life.

Granted, there are probably a few with those hidden meanings, but not many.

So, that is why I like country music. AND, I also love line dancing, cause you don't need a partner!!! lol

Lost and Found

2010-03-01T02:35:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, especially when there are changes in my life, I start feeling lost, and lose my sense of self. I can't seem to find where I fit in.

My list of friends is very diverse, and I love that!! I embrace the fact that I know so many different people, from so many different walks of life. But, sometimes, I get the feeling that I'm not "enough". Not artistic enough, not religious enough, not fun enough, not smart enough, not family oriented enough, not rich enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough - the list goes on.

Now, let me explain. I don't mean that I feel I am not those things at all. Rather, that I am not as much of those things as the people I know. Therefore, not able to really have a great relationship with anyone, so they become just aquaintances, and not good friends. So, I don't get invited to things, I'm not included in outings, and just not thought of. And, it really hurts when I see or hear about something that I wasn't included in. Makes me feel that they just didn't really want me there.

And, I know that I have to give in order to recieve, and I have. I do try to reach out, to be a friend, to show interest. Maybe I'm doing things wrong?

Most of my life, I have struggled with self-image. There are a lot of reasons behind it, and I have dealt with much of it, and trying to over-come it. Lately, I had resolved to being a mom, driving a mini-van and having a house. But, over the past few months, that all changed. I am now living in an apartment again, and didn't have anything to drive at all. Now though, we have a 2001 Ford Focus Station Wagon, in Mandarin Copper. It's, ummmmm, a very unique color. When Mike first brought it home, I really wasn't sure what to think of it. We bought it from someone out of town, and I had never seen the actual car, until it was here. Needless to say, it's not a mini van at all. The kids are a little cramped in the back seat. They are used to having much more room, and not having to all sit in a row. The biggest thing, is that it's so low to the ground, something I am not used to! I tried to be positive, and make the best of it, but, really, I was disappointed.

BUT, I took a trip to Walmart, and the grocery store by myself, and let me just say, it's FUN to drive that car!!!! It feels like driving a stick shift, but it's not. It drives so smooth, a few times I had to slow down, cause I was going much faster than I thought I was. We do have to get a stereo for it, as the guy took out the one he had in there, and fix a few things. The kids say that they are getting used to it, and that makes me feel better too.

So, I have decided that we deserve some fun!!!! It's a fun car to drive, it's dependable (we have never had anything so new, the last one was a '96) and we can now go where we want, when we want. I am going to make the best of it, and get out there!!! I have found ME!!!

Day 4: The Bakersfield Hillbillies Visit Hollywood

2009-07-07T00:24:00.000-07:00

Day 4: Sunday July 5
We woke up early, to pack up and head out. Re-packing the van is always hard. Where did everything go? Why doesn't this fit right? The sun was warm very early, and we didn't have too much shade at our campsite. And, in trying to clean out the tent, we had 2 bees fly in. Poor Mike had to kill one, and the other flew out on it's own. We were all tired and hot and not feeling the best, after our long day, the day before. So, it took longer than we planned. We finally got everything and everyone loaded up, and left the campgrounds.

The lunch that we had scheduled for Thursday, we had rescheduled for today. It did take a while to get there, through traffic, but we finally made it. I've known ANT for 3 years, online by following his blogs. Since we were in the area, we arranged to meet in person, something I thought would never happen. We met for lunch at California Pizza Kitchen, in downtown Los Angeles. It was great. ANT is my favorite friend, favorite comedian, favorite person of all!!! He's so kind, and giving. We had a wonderful lunch, although a short one. We were late, and he had another appt. that afternoon, so it was a short visit. But, one that I will treasure for a long time to come!!!!

After that, we went to see the Hollywood sign, and another online friend, a fellow ANT Colony memeber, Jeremiah. He lives in the Hollywood Hills, in a beautiful home. We drove up there, with our van struggling and putting along, AND packed with our camping gear, tents and chairs strapped to the top, LOL!! Jeremiah gave me great directions, and was so gracious and gave me a tour of his house. He can look out of several windows of his home, and see the Hollywood sign. Unbelieveable!!!! We visited for a few minutes, then drove down the street, to where there was an unubstructed view of the sign.

By this time, it was getting later in the day, and we decided to head home, so we could take our time, and stop if we needed to. We took the grape vine home, the more direct route, and it was fine. We stopped once, in Gorman.

We got home, and the kids were so happy to be home, and happy to see the puppies! We unloaded the van, washed pillow cases and went to bed.

This was a very different vacation for us. Most times, once we get back home, I feel like we never even left, and all my stress comes back. But, this time was different. I think the fact that we aren't at the apts. anymore made a difference. We didn't come home and have to struggle with stairs to unload, and the house was clean, not a mess. Our lives are so different now, all for the better, and I love it!!!!

Day 3: Happy Independence Day!!!!!

2009-07-06T23:28:00.000-07:00

Day 3: July 4
Saturday, the day we had been waiting for! We got up early, packed our lunches, beach towels, blankets, canopy and chairs and headed for the beach!!!

We had less traffic on Saturday then we did on Friday. We got to the beach in about 10 min. Drove into the first parking lot we found, and found a spot in the second row. Amazing!!! We got out most of our things, to go set up, and then we planned on just going back for the rest. We got to the beach about 11am. It was already pretty crowded, but not packed. In looking around, I realized that I hadn't done as much research as I should have. We were at the edge of the beach, rather than the main entrance. There were only stairs, and the other path crossed a stream. They also had grass picnic areas above the beach. So, being that we now have a differently abled child in a wheel chair, we couldn't go down on the sand. It was a different beach experience for all of us, but it turned out to be really great. The girls still went down in the water, made some friends, and we all had a wonderful time!! We weren't crowded and had a nice area. The only downside was that the restroom was a little bit of a walk, and not the best.

We had sandwiches for lunch, and Mike found a Carl's Jr. nearby for dinner. We had planned on eating at the snack shack there at the beach, but since it was further down, and a little more expensive than we thought, we changed plans.

This is the farthest South that we have traveled so far. The air there never really warmed up. In the sun, it was a little warm, but in the shade it was pretty chilly, all day. Very different than what we are used to, when we go to the central coast beaches. But, it was really nice. Michael sat, wrapped in a blanket, and people watched. He loves doing that! Like I said, the girls went in the ocean, but Alexis didn't last as long as Harley-Rose did. She changed and sat with Michael. Harley was in the water until dinner time.

Once the sun started going down, we took down the canopy, got out our jackets and sweaters and got set for the fireworks. They set them off from a barge out in the ocean. The show started a little late, but we had some others to watch, down the beach too. Then ours finally started, and they were awesome!!! Big, colorful, loud and just amazing. It was so beautiful to see the moon reflected on the water, and all the boats that came to watch the show, with all their lights on. Every now and then, I would look down to see the waves, and felt so blessed to be there. There is nothing like spending time with my family, watching fireworks, with the sound of the ocean in the background.

As nice as all that was, by the time the show was over, we were all freezing! So, we packed up and headed to the van. Of course, the parking lot was packed, and no one was going anywhere. But, still, they tried. I couldn't believe the people. And, I witnessed a new all time low - backing out of the space, next to the line of cars and making your passenger get out, stand in front of a car, so that you can pull in front of them in the line!!! I was stunned!!! I saw 2 people do that. I did unfortunately say something to one lady. She backed out her big, big SUV, almost right into the car behind her. Then, tried to squeeze in the line. The car that she almost backed into, had a very, very upset driver. His wife was literally pulling his arm, to keep him from getting out of the car. He had his door open and was ready to kick some butt!! I told that lady that she should stop, and that she was upsetting people. Of course, her teenage daughter had some things to say, and the woman said something about having 6 kids, blah blah. Whatever. Finally I just turned my back, and put my kids in the van and waited it out. I have this need to try and fix things and make everyone happy. But, things don't always work out that way, and not everyone sees what I'm trying to do as a good thing. I really need to just not ever say anything to anyone. So, I wasn't going to let them ruin my good time, just because they can't have some patience.

We finally got out of there, and went back to the campsite. The freeways were packed, so it took a while. We were all a little sunburned, and probably a bit car sick too. So we went to bed and went to sleep. It was a great day though. I'm so glad we went!!!!

Day 2: The Joys of Camping

2009-07-06T22:51:00.000-07:00

Day 2: July 3
Friday we drove to Newport Beach, Balboa Island actually, to have frozen bananas. The kids and I saw them on Unwrapped, on the Food Network. So, since we were in the area, we wanted to try them. We drove up the coast. Once we got there, we had to drive around for a bit, to find a parking space. Just as we were about to give up, and park off the island and walk over, we saw a space, just down from the frozen banana stand! We walked down there, and there was no line. The bananas are already frozen and on a stick. When you order, they dip it in chocolate, twice, and then you get your choice of toppings. Alexis got Oreos, I had chocolate sprinkles and peanuts, and Harley-Rose got everything, which was Oreos, chocolate and multi-colored sprinkles, peanuts, Heath bar, and something else that I forget, lol. Mike got a Balboa bar, which was a big square of ice cream, also dipped in chocolate with toppings. Michael got a minty mint chip shake, which was really good! After that, we walked around a little bit, and looked at the shops. It's a really nice place, but because of the holiday, was a little crowded.

After we left there, we stopped at the grocery store and picked up some dinner items and lunch stuff for the next day. Then we went back to the campsite.

When camping, Mike does most of the cooking. Being that he was a boy scout, and eagle scout, he did a lot of camping growing up. This was only my 3rd camping trip, ever. Anyway, we had chicken packs for dinner. It's just potatoes cut up, with a piece or two of chicken, butter and seasoning, wrapped in foil. Those get put right in the coals, and cook for 15min. or longer, depending on the thickness of the chicken. We all love it, and it's so simple!! After eating, we cleaned up and Mike got the campfire going and the kids made some s'mores.

Then it was time for bed. Another great day!!!!

Day 1: Are We There Yet???

2009-07-06T12:35:00.000-07:00

So, we are back from vacation, and had a great time!!! LA sure is hard to get used to though, all the traffic and people everywhere!!!

Day 1: Thursday July 2
We had planned to leave early, around 9am, in order to be in LA by 1pm, to meet a friend for lunch. Well, as you know the old saying about well laid plans and all that.... things did not go that way. We had to get our tire fixed, as it had a nail in it. Mike took it to the garage on Wednesday afternoon, but there were 12 cars ahead of him, and it would have taken too long. So, he opted for first thing in the morning instead. That turned out to be just as long of a wait. Plus, as he was waiting for it to be fixed, he got a call from someone who wanted to hire him for some contract work. So, of course he had to meet with him.

Mike finally got back around 10, and we started loading up the van. Which thankfully didn't take too long. We didn't have the stairs of the apt. to deal with, which made things much easier. But, we were very short on room!! We were loaded up, and the kids barely fit inside!! After some final preparations, and dropping the garage door opener to my brother, to take care of the puppies, we were finally on our way.

With the van in not such great shape, we decided to go the long way around, and avoid the big climb of the grape vine, and go through the desert instead. We went up through Tehachapi, and Mojave and Palmdale. Let me tell you, Mojave is the driest, hottest place I have been!!! No trees in sight anywhere. Mike wanted to pull over and rest his eyes for a bit, and let the van rest some too. The shopping centers had no landscaping and not trees at all!!! So, we ended up at this county park, which was in major dis-repair!! We stayed there for a while, and then continued on.

With leaving so late, we had to reschedule our lunch for Sunday. We still wanted to stop in LA though, so Mike could see their digital art gallery. However, once we got into LA, the traffic was awful!!! And it wasn't even holiday traffic or travelers. It was all commuters. Because, what time was it when we drove into LA??? Yep....5pm!!!! I could not drive in that every day, I don't know how they do it!!! We were actually stopped at times, just sitting there on the freeway!!! Some of those streets in the towns are called Parkways, I think they need to re-name the freeways the LA Parkway hehe!!!

Then, the Google maps directions were really out there sometimes. I made the mistake of following them word for word, and turn by turn, instead of going through them. At one point, it took us off the freeway, down the street at bit, turn left, down that street, turn left again, and right back on the freeway!!! The only thing I can think of, is at one time there was a detour and they didn't update or something. Oh well.

Finally, we made it through all that LA traffic. The campgrounds were about an hour South of LA. We found them with no trouble, with about an hour to set up before it got dark. Harley-Rose and Dad put up the tent in record time, very impressive!!! We were one of the few families there that night. It's a nice place, a county park, down in the canyon. But, only about 5 minutes from town. Kind of wierd, but nice. We went and got Jack in the Box for dinner, since it was so late, brought it back to the campsite and ate. Then we got ready for bed, and went to sleep.

All in all not a bad day, just a later than planned start, and a lot of driving time!!

Getting Excited

2009-06-29T01:42:00.000-07:00

We leave for vacation on Thursday.

The plan is to leave town about 9:30am, and head down to Los Angeles. There, we are meeting with a couple friends for lunch. After that, we'll go on to the campgrounds. We'll get everything set up, and make dinner.

Friday we'll do grocery shopping for the rest of the weekend, since Mike gets paid on Friday. Thank heaven for automatic deposit! Not sure what else we'll do on Friday.

Saturday, we'll go over to Doheny Beach, by Dana Point, about 30 minutes from the campgrounds. We'll spend the day there, and watch the free fireworks show that night, launched from a barge out in the ocean.

Sunday we will pack up and leave the campgrounds, and drive back through Los Angeles. We have a friend that lives in the Hollywood Hills, and gave me directions, to bring us right up underneath the Hollywood sign. I hope to get some really great pictures! Then we want to take the kids to Groumans' Chinese theater, and maybe walk some of the Walk of Fame. Mike also wants to visit some of the Hollywood cemetaries, and visit some celebrity gravesites.

At some point we also want to go to Newport Beach, and get a frozen banana from a place we saw on Unwrapped. The kids love that show!

Those are the plans, so we'll see what we actually get done, hehe. This is our first trip out of town, in over a year, and will probably be our only one, for a long time. With our landlords filing bankruptcy, we aren't sure what's going to happen with our house, and things may change for us, in the coming months. I want to make this a great trip, and take time to be a family, and enjoy each other's company. Mike has been working a lot, and wierd hours. Most nights we don't have dinner until 8pm or later. And when he works the morning shift on the weekends, he goes in now at 6am, so he's tired when he gets home.

This heat is so unbareable, you can't even stand outside without sweating!!

I know that we are going to have a great time, combining camping and the beach, with some other things mixed in too. I am going to find out just how many pictures my memory card can hold!!!

Going Well

2009-06-23T15:39:00.000-07:00

Despite how other things in my life are going right now, schooling is going well. I'm bringing the kids up to speed, slowly over the summer. We do a bit of lessons each day, and they enjoy most of it. It's amazing too, when I think they aren't paying attention while we read history, they get the questions right at the end!!

We'll take next week off, while we go on our mini vacation/camping trip. Monday and Tuesday will be spent doing laundry and making sure the house is clean, so we don't come home to a mess. Wednesday we'll pack, and we'll leave on Thursday morning. That in itself will be an adventure, since we usually travel at night.

No Time to Relax....

2009-06-17T23:00:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have had no time to relax. There is always something going on - the van is low on gas, how is Mike going to get to work? What are we going to have for dinner, payday is a few days away. The electric bill is due, the cable/internet/phone needs to be paid. And, the biggest one of all, with the landlord filing bankruptcy and giving up the house, every day I expect to get the notice that we need to move.

I wanted a few hours tonight, to just sit and get lost in a movie. The movies in the park was showing Casablanca. I know the kids were not thrilled about that one, but they had their mp3 players filled up, and brought toys to keep them busy. I was so ready for it. We get to the park, only to find out the movie had been canceled!! So, we walked around a little bit, it's a big park with a stream and lake. I did get some good sunset pics too. Then, the girls put their feet in the water and we just sat for a little while. But then, a big group of teenagers came, and chased a duck around, and were being obnoxious, so that meant it was time to leave.

I have been feeling so frustrated!!! Now, I'm second guessing our decision to go camping next month. It won't cost us too much really, with the campsite only $15 a night, but the kids need bathing suits and new chairs, plus clothes (which they need anyway) *sigh*

Back to Basics

2009-05-24T02:16:00.001-07:00

Life has been so crazy for us, for the past year really.

Last year at this time, we had opened our gallery, and for the first time, we were business owners. It was fun, but it had it's difficult times too. To start out, it was just me and the kids running things. That was hard on them, getting up, getting dressed and getting out the door every day. The weather was really getting hot then, and they were doing road construction downtown, so it was a guessing game as to where we would park every day, and how we would get to the front door of the gallery. Some days, we didn't even have sidewalks to walk on!! But, onward we trudged. To make things easier, we tried opening later, and shortening hours, but it was still hard on us all.

Then, a few months later, Mike lost his job, and things were very uncertain. I was happy at first, to have him with me during the day, and some days the kids and I didn't even go to the gallery at all, just Mike went. He was happy and for the first time in years, stress free!!! It was a good job, but things changed (the passing of the boss) and became stressful for him. The gallery was becoming very popular, and we were excited to be a positive light on the art community. We even had our picture in the paper, and Mike was recognized at the mall!!! hehe

But, as time went on, things with the gallery slowed down, and we eventually had to close. The space turned out to be too big, and we just couldn't fill it. We had some great times though. And sadly, some not so great times and a few misunderstandings, that have created some bad feelings and left us out of a few things lately.

Since technically, Mike quit his job (mutual split, long story) he didn't qualify for unemployment. So, he tried to build up his own print broker business. He had a few clients, but that's when the economy really started it's downward spiral, and people just didn't have money for business cards and other printing.

For a few months, we really struggled. It was hard to pay bills, and buy food and other things we needed. Luckily, Mike got a temp xmas job, at JC Penney. He worked as a stocker, overnight. Most nights going in at midnight, or 2am, and coming home around 7am or later. I hated it. But, Mike needed it, for his own sense of self, and to bring money in for his family. And, after being let go from that, he did then qualify for unemployment.

For the past few weeks, Mike has been working at a local golf course. Again, crazy hours. He goes in most days at noon, and doesn't get off until 8pm. Sometimes he can get off an hour or two earlier. And, he also has to work weekends, luckily though those are mostly morning hours.

So, for the past year, life has been very unpredictable, and crazy, to say the least. I can't plan a weeks menu, since most days we are buying dinner for that night, with the $10 or so that I earned that day, through ChaCha. We don't always have snacks, and I feel so bad for the kids.

And, forget about going out of town. We haven't been on a vacation since Oct. of 2007. We did go to the beach for a day, in 2008, but it was too cold to really do anything.

Housework was very sporadic too. When I wasn't at the gallery, or working all day online, I would try to rush around, doing the bare minimum of what needed to be done. Schooling was almost non existant. I tried to get things together, but was so overwhelmed with other things, it just never happened. I printed out a few worksheets here and there, but nothing more than that. The kids are so behind and so far off of grade level! They do, thankfully, like to watch the Discovery Channel, and Animal Planet, and my son even likes the History Channel, so they have been getting some information and education.

But, things are going to change. We still struggle, Mike still works crappy hours, and there are other uncertainties on us now. But, I feel like I have come out of a deep sleep, like a switch has been turned on. I'm not even sure why. But, I did find a book the other day, when we cleaned out the garage, that I must have gotten from another homeschooler, at park day. It's part of The Core Knowledge series, What Your 5th Grader Needs to Know. So, I ordered the 6th grade one as well, the other day, used, for around $4, with shipping. I wrote out an outline for lesson plans, and we'll do some science experiments and art projects in there too. Nothing too structured, but I want to at least get them caught up a bit.

Today I cleaned the kitchen, from top to bottom - wiped down all the counters, cleaned the stovetop, scrubbed out the sink and even cleaned the corners of the floor, Cinderella style, lol. I also cleaned off the kitchen table, and we all sat down to eat dinner together, for the first time in months!!!

So, I am hoping this new attitude and feel will stay with me.

Menu Plan Monday

2009-04-21T03:59:00.001-07:00

Okay, I know that it's technically not still Monday, but I haven't gone to bed yet, so therefore, it's Monday to me, hehe.

This is something new that I'm going to try out. I don't plan out each day's meal though. I just plan the meals, for my shopping list, and then each day I make whatever works for us that day.

1. Pita Pocket Tacos (our homemade version of Gyros)
2. BBQ
3. BLT's / Club Sandwiches (Alexis does not eat bacon)
4. French Dips
5. Chicken Salad's (not chicken salad, but salad with chicken strips - chicken and fries for Harley and Alexis)

Lunches ~
tuna
Hot Pockets
Mac N Cheese
PB&J

I Rock!!!!

2009-03-25T14:48:00.000-07:00

It isn't often that I toot my own horn, but today is a great day, and I just have to say TOOOOOOT TOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!

Taking care of 3 puppies, very young puppies at that, has been a challenge. We got them a bit earlier than normal (long story) so there are things they didn't learn from the mama. They are very high energy, love, LOVE people, and fall all over themselves when we let them out in the morning.

Our yard wasn't quite ready for them, so they couldn't go out as often as they should have or for as long. So, as a result, housebreaking was very difficult. We were using the puppy training pads too, which were successful about 70% of the time. We have very light colored carpet. There were some stains when we moved in, from the previous owners dog. But, overall it wasn't bad.

Let me also say, that i am a vacuum freak!! Our entire house is carpet, except for the kitchen. The room can be picked up, toy and clutter free, dusted and look great. BUT, to me, if the room isn't vacuumed, it's not clean, and drives me nuts!!

So, back to the housebreaking. Not going great. I then remembered that when we moved in, there were some plastic runner type things in the pantry, that I put in the garage. I took those out, and put them in the hallway. Big mistake! The puppies took these for pads or something. There were little puddles of pee everywhere!!

Last night, Mike bought some stain remover with oxygen and natural orange in it. I took up the plastic, and scrubbed the stains. It worked!! Not perfectly, but they are almost gone. And, it smells soooooooo much better. I also sprinkled some Arm and Hammer pet fresh and vacuumed this morning. When they are doing much better about going outside only, we'll steam clean.

Yesterday, I also cleaned up the area of our yard that we had some extra fence boards, and some cut down tree branches. Now that is clean for them to run around in, and not get hurt. Today, I patched up some spaces on the side fence, that the puppies could possibly fit through.

I have to say, I amaze myself!! Feeling pretty good today!!!!

Puppy Pics

2009-03-17T22:25:00.000-07:00

Here are some puppy pics. Kaos is the light tan colored one, Robb is the dark black one, and Shelby (my brother's) is the brindle one.

Nothing Much

2009-03-14T16:17:00.000-07:00

We have been so busy with the new puppies, I haven't had much time for anything else. They sure are wearing me out! But, the kids are great with them, and it's doing a lot for them too. Harley-Rose is being so responsible and taking care of them, and picking up after them. And, Michael is getting over his fear of dogs, and that's great!! Alexis, the little princess, is getting a little better too.

Mothering

2009-02-25T23:21:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling ho-hum and just so-so, on and off, for the past few weeks. I finally realized what it was, last night. I have no one to mother!!! I have this need, to feel needed and wanted. Sure, my kids will always need me, to some degree. But, they can now make their own lunch, get their own snacks, make juice, etc. At times, my oldest (age 12) has been known to even do her own laundry!

My brother's girlfriend's dog had puppies last month, and we decided to take one of them. My brother is also keeping one, but wants us to keep her for a while, til he gets things settled at home. They are the cutest things, and so little. They come over to visit now and then, and we'll be keeping them, as of next Wednesday. They love to be held like babies, and they sleep a lot too. Being around them, and missing them as much as I do, made me realize what was missing in my life.

Pathetic, I know, hehe. Oh well.

Favorite Quote

2009-02-18T03:20:00.000-08:00

I really like this quote, and it applies to my life so much right now.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss

Storms....

2009-02-17T03:44:00.001-08:00

Storms can cause flooding, large or small, and wreak havoc on your landscape........

Storms can sometimes be ugly and cause damage.......

Storms Can Also.......

2009-02-17T02:57:00.001-08:00

Storms can also create some very awesome pictures!!!

Nature is ...... .... a beautiful thing!!!

My Own Planet

2009-02-11T22:39:00.001-08:00

I often feel like I'm on my own planet. My ideas and way of thinking differ so much, from everyone else.

I have a need to help, to find my place in the world. Each time I think I have it solved, something happens, and I'm back at square one. I belong to a rather large group on myspace, with assorted people. Recently we had the opportunity to nominate several members, who we thought were deserving of a special Valentine treat. Those that lived their lives as good examples, and such things. I nominated my picks. Not one person nominated me. Not winning the prize isn't what bothers me. I just have been wondering, am I not doing enough, to stick out in someone's mind? Do I not care about my friends enough? Granted, these are online people, none of whom I have ever met in person. But, it just bothers me, that no one thought of me.

I always feel like I'm on the outside looking in. Do I try too hard? Not enough? How do I figure it out?

Road Trip!!!

2009-02-07T20:43:00.000-08:00

My cousin, who lives in AZ, is getting married this Nov. I really want to go. I missed my other cousin's wedding, since we both got married in the same year, 2 months apart, I didn't have the money to travel to hers.

And, we usually take a big vacation once a year, so I thought we could combine trips. We'll leave here Thurs. Nov. 5th, pass through Joshua Tree National Park, and stay the night in Blythe, CA. Then, Friday morning continue on to Tucson. The wedding is Saturday morning. Sunday, we'll try getting tickets for an Arizona Cardinals game, and Monday we'll visit the Grand Canyon. Depending on time, we might also go over to New Mexico, but we'll see. This is the plan, and hopefully we can make it happen!!!

Sunday Dinner....on a Thursday!!

2009-02-06T02:48:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I impressed myself, hehe. We had purchased food from that Angel Ministries last month. In the box, was a whole chicken. For some unknown reason, I have never cooked a chicken whole. So, tonight I gave it a go. Rubbed it with olive oil and spices, and popped it in the oven. Then, peeled and made some garlic mashed potatoes, and some corn, and even made my own garlic bread (well, didn't make the bread, but sliced a loaf of french bread and spread the butter and garlic on it!) It turned out so great!!!

In the past, we have always bought the boxed potato flakes, and frozen garlic bread, or toast. Not sure why, guess we thought it was cheaper, or something. But, no more. I will be making as much as I can, on my own. It's better for us, and has more flavor, for sure!! One day soon, we hope to get the backyard going, and plant a small garden. We'll see if that happens, lol.

I'm Back

2009-01-31T23:55:00.000-08:00

Well, needless to say, my homeschooling blog did not turn out as I had hoped. I was asked if I was unschooling? Well, in a way yes, hehe. Not intentionally, but it has turned out that way.

Every day for the past few months, has been a struggle. With Mike out of work, it's been one challenge after another. I spend most of my time on the computer. I have, now two, online jobs. Both similar services, online answers, ChaCha and the new one, kgb. With ChaCha I was able to choose the pay me now option, and have the money transferred over to a Visa debit card, whenever I want. So, each day is spent working online, to get money for dinner each night. At $.10 a question, it takes a while. But somehow we've managed, blessfully with lots of help from family, and a few friends.

So, not much schooling gets done. I really do try. They are learning life lessons, that's for sure. And, we throw things in here and there, like math and reading at the grocery store, things like that. Now that we have some ink in the printer, I print out word searches for them, and they work on their writing. Mike is having them do some book report type things. They are so far off of grade level, I'm sure, but not in all areas really. We'll get there though.

I'm now turning this into a regular blog, once again.

Well......

2008-09-29T06:15:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been a little tough, and I've been a bit distracted. But, this week, we'll start lessons again. I want to get into the swing of things, and try to get the kids to take some responsibility for their own lessons too. Let's hope it works!

This Week

2008-09-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

Well, this week we didn't get much done at all. In fact, we didn't do any bookwork of any kind.

Mike and I have been busy with gallery stuff, and just distracted. I didn't write any lesson plans though, so that's why no work got done. I'm going to to write out plans for this next week, and that way, at least the girls will be able to do work on their own. We're still doing mostly review anyway.

We found some books on freecycle, so hopefully we'll be able to use those for some science projects. We'll see.

Our First Week

2008-09-06T05:07:00.000-07:00

Well, for the first week back to doing lessons, it wasn't bad. I'm so proud of my kids too. On Tuesday, I had a terrible sinus headache. Harley-Rose asked if it was time for lessons, and I just told her to practice writing, and study her spelling words. Well, I had written out a lesson plan, just for the week, and they actually looked at it, and did what it said, for each of them!!

Thursday and Friday we spent most of the day at the gallery, and Daddy did lessons with them both days. Took some pressure off of me, and that was great!! He's going to do science, history and art appreciation with them. I'm so thankful that he's able to do that now. We had planned on that before, but with him working so much, by the time he came home after work, he was just too tired. Starting next week, we've now cut back hours at the gallery, so he'll have more time at home, to do his graphic design work, and to spend time on lessons with the kids.

First Day

2008-09-03T02:24:00.001-07:00

Well, our first day got off to a slow start. But, what first day doesn't?

We brought in the patio table, that we rarely use anyway, since it's too hot outside now. Thankfully our living room is so much bigger than our old one at the apt.! And, we got the hutch from my mom, so that's filled with all of our school supplies.

The girls did some math review pages, spelling words and cursive writing. My son on the other hand, spent most of the day in bed and on the computer. His schooling will go slower than the girls. He gets very frustrated, and gives up easily. I really don't even like to try lessons with him, if he's not in the right mood for it.

Sadly, we are very, very behind right now. Last year, we didn't do much of anything, lesson wise. I just wasn't in the state of mind that I should have been. Our living conditions were less than desirable, and I felt just generally down about everything. I saw no hope for our situation to improve.

Then, all of a sudden it did improve, and we had a whirlwind move in 2 weeks. Then we spent time organizing, and getting used to things.

So, I have to get the kids caught up on grade level. But, with the younger grades, a lot of it is repeated stuff anyway. So, it shouldn't be too bad. I'm sure we'll do just fine. As soon as we are able, hubby and I will go to the local book store, and get some workbooks and text books, for the core subjects. Plus, I want to get some science experiment books and special lessons, like ocean life, plants, animals, things like that.

I have lesson plans written out for the rest of the week. I want the kids to know what is going on, from day to day. At least for the week anyway. Any further than that, is too much for me to plan out.

I'm Baaaaack!!!

2008-08-26T08:52:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't blogged here in ages!! But, I've been inspired to come back, and make this my homeschooling blog. I'm not going to start any lessons with the kids, until September. It just doesn't feel right to me, doing "school" in August, hehe.

Happy Holidays!!!

2007-11-29T00:59:00.001-08:00

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!! I just wanted to come here to update everyone on our goings on.

WE ARE MOVING!!!

It's all happened very fast. A lady that works with my husband rents out a house, and they had the last tenants move out, and left the house in not so good shape. They wanted someone in there that know and can trust. They are charging us low rent, no deposit, and we can pretty much do anything we want!! In exchange for the low rent, we'll do most small repairs ourself. We can paint the walls any colors we want, do whatever we want with the yard, front and back, and even install a satalite for the tv if we want. My husband asked her about that today, and she said "go ahead, it's your house" Wow!!!

It's what we have been looking for, our chance to get into a house. We have been in an apt. now for 10 yrs. All the kids have ever known is apt. living, and I have really felt bad about it. Now, they will have a backyard, and a bigger living space. And, we move in this weekend!! Over the past week, we have moved some things in, little by little, and I've set up the kitchen some.

The house is great!! It's 3bedrooms, 2baths, fireplace, dishwasher, 2car garage, good sized backyard, alarm system, lots of storage, a laundry room inside the house, and so much more. The neighborhood is great, it's always so quiet there, and there are so many houses on the street with xmas lights. We have always been the only ones to decorate here. I'm so excited. A house for us, for Christmas!!!

Fall???

2007-10-29T14:50:00.000-07:00

Well, the calendar says it's Fall, but I guess Mother Nature isn't paying attention. It's so warm here, and I'm not liking it one bit. We had rain the other day, and some cool temps, but now it's back up again. It's slowly cooling down, I just hope it gets cold by Christmas. I hate warm Christmas'.

I'm still blogging mostly on myspace. But, thought I would come by here, and post a little something.

We're getting ready for Halloween. We got our pumpkins and the kids costumes, so we're set. After that, it will be time to start thinking about Christmas, and all the things I have to do.

Update...

2007-08-17T02:40:00.000-07:00

Well, since I can't get into myspace, I'll blog here a bit. I have been reading and keeping up with everyone's blogs, just so you know. I do comment now and then too. : )

Well let's see, thankfully summer is almost over!! I just am not a fan of summer. I don't like pool parties, wearing shorts, the heat, long days of sunlight, days and days on end with no rain, I just don't like anything about it!! We can bbq here pretty much year round, and do, so we don't have to wait until summer for that.

I love Fall and especially Winter!! I love wearing jeans and sweaters, I love having it get dark at 5pm, I love stepping outside, and feeling the cold air hit your face. I love to cover up with many blankets and my comforter at night.

School starts here on Monday, and I'm happy for that. The kids around here, mostly the teenagers, have been driving me nuts!! I'm hoping that they banned some of them from the pool, since they haven't been using it in the last few days. I complained to the property management the other day about how obnoxious they were, so I hope they did something about it.

My birthday was great this year! I had many well wishers, and a few friends went out and had some fun with me and hubby, so that was awesome! I got a new digital camera from hubby, and have been having so much fun with it ever since!!

Our vacation is a little over 2 weeks away, and I am soooooooo excited about it. We all are. This weekend, we'll be getting the last of the things that we need, and we'll be set. We'll be camping in Yosemite for 4 nights, then stopping by home, do some laundry, pick up hubby's paycheck, and then go and spend 2 nights at the beach, camping there too. This is the longest vacation we've ever been on, as a family. Mostly cause it's much cheaper than hotel nights!! It will be an experience, for sure.

Summer Time

2007-07-06T12:17:00.001-07:00

I really don't like summer at all. Yesterday, it was about 106F and my air ran constantly for a few hours, until the sun went down, and it finally cooled down. People here at the apts. abuse the pool, and of course it's right under my apt., and I have to deal with it the most out of everyone else here. Why do grown men have to jump in, be loud and act like kids??? UGH!!!

Other than that, things are pretty boring with us. We had a great 4th of July, spent with my family. We hope to go camping at the end of next month, but we'll see how that works out.

I have been mostly posting on my myspace blog. www.myspace.com/bakomom I believe you can read my blog there, even if you aren't a friend on my page.

I hope everyone is enjoying thier summer. Yesterday I cleaned the school bookshelf, and we definatly don't need any more construction paper for this next year, lol. I want to start buying a few books this month and next month, so we don't have to get everything at once. I'll sit down with hubby and come up with some sort of curriculum plan for the coming school year. I'm going to try and be more organized, but I don't know how that will turn out. I can hope though, hehe.

Why Do I Do It??? And other stuff

2007-06-06T02:26:00.001-07:00

Why do I keep myself hidden from the world? Why do I think that I'll be happier staying home, and away from everyone? That's just not the case.

I have my first ever art show tomorrow night. It's not really a big deal. It's a show themed on textures. Since my art is photography, I feel like my pics will stand out, and not really fit in. So, I didn't even want to enter anything in, and was just going to skip it all together. But, thanks to the encouragment of my husband, and the great curators at the gallery, I did enter 2 pics. The opening reception is tomorrow night. My kids want to go, so we're all going. I'm still nervous about it, and just thinking about it right now, has my stomach in knots. For months now, I wanted to be involved, to be out there, and doing things. Now that I am, I'm scared to death!!! I think it's mainly just the theme of it, and my feelings of not being in line with the others there. Most of the things there are paintings, and people with real talent. I know that there is some talent involved in taking really good pictures too. But, I just don't feel like I am talented, it's just something I like doing. They are doing an all woman show in August, and I think I'll enter a few of my really good pics then. I'll feel a little better about that one. We'll see how things go. I had volunteered to bring some food for the reception, and they took me up on that, so that I feel confident about, hehe. Being creative with food is what I like doing!

Things have been up and down for us lately, good and bad. We had some struggles with money and bills, and had to get some help from the Salvation Army, who were really great!! They didn't ask questions, and were so kind and helpful. I wasn't able to make the first appt. I had set, due to scheduling conflicts there at the office, and the captain there was so nice, and spoke very kind to me. He felt really bad about not being able to help me at that time, and assured me that this was only a phase of my life, and that things would get better. He didn't even try to "recruit" me to thier church. He invited me to use them as a bandaid, as he called it, until we could find a church that my husband and I are both comfortable with. But, he didn't try and guilt me into attending thier service or anything like that. I encourage anyone in need of help with bills, or food, or a church family, to seek them out. Also, if you ever have things to donate, please think of calling them. They have an easy website www.4satruck.org and they'll come to you, to pick things up.

This year, my Godson graduated from high school. The very same high school in fact, that his mom (my best friend) and I met in, and graduated from. It was very surreal, sitting there in that football stadium, where I hadn't been in almost 20 yrs. I think we went back for like 2 football games in all that time, since graduating. We have both been through some major things, together and separatly, but through it all, we have remained friends. Her family is like family to me. Her mom and dad, sisters and brother are always genuinely happy to see me, which is a great feeling. I got a big hug from my Godson Anthony that night too, and that made me feel really good. I wrote him a very long, heartfelt letter, that he probably won't appreciate now, but I hope that he'll hold on to it, and read it in the future, and be able to look back on that night, with fond memories.

My husband's boss/mentor/friend of 3 yrs passed away about 2 weeks ago. It was so sudden and unexpected. He was out of town on a golf trip, and passed away in his sleep, the night before he was due back in town. His poor wife was away on a trip to Paris with a friend, so she no sooner got there, and had to turn around and come back home. So, there was a time when we weren't sure what was going to happen with my husband's job, and our lives. It's a family run business, well mostly the husband and wife, and we weren't sure if the wife would like to keep it or not. But, things are settled now, and they have been relying on my husband to be in charge of things for a while. He's basically been running things for the past few weeks. The wife and daughter will be coming in to help out most days. I am very proud of my husband for stepping up like that, and taking charge. His boss really meant a lot to him, and he learned many things from him over the years. I went with him to the funeral, which was a very hard thing. I really feel for his wife. They just bought a new house a year or so ago. Now she is alone there, and having trouble sleeping at night. I think that would be the hardest thing for me too.

Now, we just go on, taking things day to day. We won't be taking any trips this summer, but that's alright. Maybe we'll sneak in a day trip to the beach one weekend. But, I have my family here with me, we are all healthy and happy. We have a decent place to live, food in our cupboards, beds to sleep in, and a few dollars in our pocket. Life is good right now.

Photography

2007-04-30T12:30:00.000-07:00

I am now taking my hobby, and turning into an art! I have always liked taking pics, and always, ALWAYS have my camera with me. Since we got the digital cam, it's been my best friend. Recently, I have gotten into taking more scenic pics, unposed and just looking at things differently.

Since Mike entered his computer art in the gallery in March, it got me thinking. They have a texture show coming up in June, and they accept photography as art, which is great! I started taking pics of things, and came up with some really great ones.

Then, Mike set up an account for me, on Deviant Art mrs-claus.deviantart.com and I uploaded some of my best pics. It's really fun for me, and I think this is something that I will enjoy, and might even take further, who knows.

So, check out my pics, and leave some comments. I love to know what everyone thinks. Check back often, as I'm sure I'll be adding more on a regular basis.

Recent Events

2007-04-14T01:18:00.000-07:00

Happy Spring Everyone!! Well, it is here anyway, lol. I hope that those of you with snow will warm up soon. Think warm thoughts!!

Well, I'll start with today, and go backwards with our happenings. Today was a good day. Alexis wasn't feeling good this morning though, so we stayed home and missed park day with our homeschool group. But, that turned out to be alright. I had to place a special order for my Avon, as I forgot to add some things in. It arrived today, which I would have missed had I not been here. So, I delivered that in the afternoon, and we went on with our other plans for the second part of our day. We went across town, to the bluffs, over looking the oilfields. It's always windy up there, and the kids brought thier kites. The girls kites flew really well, but Michael's is a bit smaller and lighter, or something, so it didn't fly all that great. But, it was still a fun time. Mike met us up there when he got off work, and we stayed there for a while. After that we went to eat at HomeTown Buffet, stopped at the video store, and came home.

Easter weekend was a very nice one this year. Saturday we spent time together as a family, had a nice dinner, colored eggs with Grandma and Uncle Steven, and watched the Ten Commandments on tv. Sunday the kids ate candy, we went to my parents for dinner, and afterwards my brother Steven came home with us, to finish our game of dominos, so my mom could go to bed, lol.

Mike's art show went REALLY well!! He was voted Most Popular Artist!! They were taking votes for everyone's favorite piece. No one of his pieces recieved the most votes, but as an artist, he did get the most votes. He entered 4 pieces, so I guess everyone found it hard to pick a favorite of his, lol. His mom, step-dad and even his aunt and uncle, who happened to be in town that night, came by for the reception. Everyone was so proud of him, and he was beaming all night. The show went through the end of March. Instead of picking up his artwork, he has rented a boutique space there, and left all but 1. I wanted that one to hang up in our bedroom, hehe. So, now he is an official artist in a gallery!!

I am becoming a very successful Avon lady!! My first order was a little over $300, and each order since has been at least $200. I got the kids some stuff for thier Easter baskets, and I'll order my mil and my mom's stuff for Mother's Day too. I haven't made a whole lot of money, but I'm having fun, and getting some really cool things too. I ordered some nail polish for me and the girls this last time, and also got one of those little nail soaker/massager/dryer things too. I did the girls nails today, and they thought it was so fun! I'll eventually get out to promote myself more, and will start making profits, above what I buy too, hehe!

Okay, for the big whopper. I hope everyone is sitting down, well you should be, since you are reading this on your computer, lol. Anyway, Mike and I have officially decided to have another baby!!! I am so excited. Alright, now pick up your chins off the floor, lol. It won't happen for about a year or so though. A few things have to happen, and things will hopefully fall into place. Mike needs to get a job with benefits, which he is looking into right now actually. I want a real doctor, not a medi-cal doctor. I might even look into a midwife. And, I want to do things MY way. I want to be informed, and in charge of things. It will be nice to have a planned pregnancy, be happy about it, and not have to hide it. We also need to move somewhere single/ground level, with washer/dryer hookups. But, I think if all works out for us, this will happen. We even came up with names tonight! For a boy Jakob James - we'll call him JJ, and for a girl Sara Jayne. Crazy I know, but I have been thinking about it for some time, not ready to say I'm done. The other day, a customer at Mike's work came in with thier newborn, and he held him. He then realized he wasn't ready to be done either. Tonight when we were at dinner, Michael had to go to the restroom, and Mike said he would take him. I jokingly said, "are you sure you want to go through all that again?" meaning diapers, midnight feedings, potty training and all that, and his answer was "Absolutely!" I was shocked!! I didn't expect that answer from him. I know our families will think we're crazy, and we'll hear all the lectures of how expensive babies are, what about your bills, blah blah blah. Life is too short though, to worry about money. Maybe we are crazy, but this feels right to me.

Last week, I was really starting to wonder, question and doubt my life choices so far. I felt trapped, and thought maybe I shouldn't be a stay at home mom, or homeschool the kids. But, yesterday, I had a very clear-minded day, very focused and realized this IS my place in life. I did 5 loads of laundry, and that's going outside, up and down the stairs, cleaned the kids bathroom, folded all the laundry, changed the sheets on my bed, did dishes, AND cooked dinner!! There is nothing else that gives me more satisfaction and makes me feel complete than all of that. I know that I am meant for the life I have.

Okay, I won't wait so long between blogging from now on, this turned out to be way long!! LOL!!

Still Here!!

2007-03-08T02:08:00.000-08:00

I'm still here!! I haven't really had anything to blog about. But, things are fine.

Still loving my new van!! The check engine light did come on though, but I think it's just because a belt needs to be replaced. *I Hope*

My first Avon order goes in on Monday, so we'll see how I do. I know I won't make a whole lot of money. But, it will be fun for me, give me something to do, and I'll make a little bit. If nothing else, it's a great discount for my own stuff, lol!!

Oh, hubby has entered some computer art pieces in his first art show!! There is a reception, with refreshments and entertainment, this Saturday night. He is so excited!! I read about it, on a local community website, and encouraged him to enter. The theme is water. So, he got some of his work printed and framed. You can see them here www.captain-nemo.deviantart.com Click on Gallery, to the right, and the ones he entered are- Into the River Styx, Psychedelic Summer Sun, Take Me There and As Above So Below. You have to click next page a few times to get them all. They do look so much better printed out and framed! He's a great artist, and I think it's about time he gets recognized for it, other than in his daily work.

Other than that, things are pretty much the same. The weather has been beautiful here. High 70's to low 80's all week, and through the weekend. I just wish we had more money to get out and enjoy it. Gas has gotten so expensive here!! We are using mid-grade for the van, and the other day I paid $2.97 a gallon!!! California is higher than most of the nation, but not sure why. I didn't hear the whole news report on it, but I hope it goes down soon. It's not even summer time yet!! There isn't much to walk to around here either, but the kids have been playing outside with thier friends. We are in a bit of a financial slump right now. Things are picking up though, thankfully!!

Ding Dong.... Avon Calling!!!

2007-02-28T00:33:00.000-08:00

I'm now an Avon lady!! I went to sign up tonight, and got my catalogs and all my supplies. I'm so excited. Hubby is going to help me by taking some catalogs to work with him. I really feel good about this, and I think I can make something of it. It does sell itself, as everyone knows about it, and has heard of it. You don't have to have a party, and have everyone at your house, you just order what you want. So, wish me luck!!

Coming Clean...Another Life Change

2007-02-27T00:47:00.000-08:00

Another change I have made in my life recently, and I think it's the best one so far. Be prepared for a shocker.

For the last 3 years or so, I have been doing some online work. The company is based in the UK, and it's a chat service. I would chat to people from my computer at home, while they are on thier cell phones, thinking I was too, and local to them. Most of the people were from the UK, some in Australia and some here in the usa too. It's basically a scam really. But, in the beginning it was fun. Some of it did get to be rather "adult" in nature, but I just didn't think much of it. They knew nothing about me directly. All names were made up, and most times, several operators would chat to the same guy. It worked on a rotating system, and I would just type out answers to messages that popped up on my screen. The pay was pretty good, and after about 1 1/2 yrs, I was promoted to a supervisor. I got more money, but had to work more too. I had 3 hour shifts, at different times of the day. For a time, I was working the UK schedule, and working 11pm to 2am, my time. That was really draining on me, and I couldn't get anything done during the day, cause I was so tired. I did that for the last year + and finally decided I had had enough. I quit as a supervisor, but still worked as an operator. That got to be too much too. The messages just aren't coming through as much anymore, and I would have to sit there twice as long to just get a few answered. I just wasn't having fun with it anymore, and did feel bad for some of the people. They would talk of how expensive thier phone bills were, and some of them are just genuine people looking for friends, or companionship.

So, I talked to hubby about it, and finally just quit all together!! I feel 1000 times better for it. I know it was a job, and I did get money for it, and I liked being able to contribute to the finances. But, it just isn't something I felt good about anymore, and no one knew exactly what I was doing. The inlaws just thought it was monitoring chat rooms, and everyone else just didn't know anything about it at all.

I still want to be able to bring in some money for myself, and the family. So, I am going to sign up to sell Avon tomorrow evening. It's only $10 to start. I think that is one of the easiest things to make money at. There are no parties involved, and nothing I have to buy to demonstrate. My mom did it when I was in high school, and it was fun. I will get the kids involved too. When orders came in, I used to help my mom sort through it, bag it up, and figure out how much each order was and all that. I think it will be good for the kids, as a real life lesson in running a business.

Anyway, that is another installment in my year of life changing moments.

Customized Cont.

2007-02-20T14:22:00.000-08:00

Here are more pics...
this is on both side windows
this is in both corners of back window
inside-only need one car seat these days!

We did our first grocery shopping in the new van last night. It was sooo great! All our bags fit in the back, and we didn't have to hold the rear door up while loading either, lol. In our other one, one of the hydrolic arms had gone out. And, I got the controls figured out, and the kids had heat in the back, and they were so warm, they didn't want to get out! LOL!! They are so comfortable and have so much room back there. My oldest can even sit behind daddy when he drives. We couldn't have anyone sit behind him in the other one, there wasn't enough room. This is something that I am proud to be seen in, and feel so safe and secure too. I can't wait to take a trip out of town!!

Customized!!

2007-02-20T14:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, the van is really mine!! Mike got off work early yesterday afternoon, and helped me put on all the new things we bought. Most everything is tropical/island, except for the license plate cover. I saw that at the Big Dog store in the mall, and just had to have it, lol.

My steering wheel cover
Seat Cover
Sticker on back window

GREAT WEEKEND!!!

2007-02-19T00:39:00.000-08:00

We had the BEST weekend!! Saturday our income tax return check finally came, so we went car shopping. We dropped the kids off with my mom, and went to look at a few vans. The first one was a '98 Ford Windstar, dark green and really nice. BUT, it didn't have the back 2 rows of seats. The ones that have it now, bought it from a car lot, and they ones that had it before, used it to deliver flowers, and had taken the seats out. So, we would have had to look at the junk yard for some seats, which would not have cost very much, but would more than likely not have matched, and I'm just tired of having mismatched things. So, we went to look at another one, a '96 Ford Windstar, lol. This one was much better, in such great shape, and well taken care of!! These people got it when it was 2yrs old, and it was a lease return. They kept it up, the seats and carpet are in excellent condition. We talked them down in price a bit, and made a deal!! We weren't able to cash the check on Saturday though. So, today, we went out early, cashed the check and went to pick it up. I LOVE IT!!! It's a light tanish color, I think it's actually called champagne. Anything but white was cool with me, as our last one was white and I hated it, lol! It has power everything, a cool stereo and rear a/c vents for the kids. We are going to be chillin and cruising this summer!! After picking it up, we went to get the kids from my moms and went shopping at the mall!! We had lunch first, and then hit some of the stores there. I even got some clothes. Then we went to Target, and I got some seat covers and matching steering wheel cover, hubby got a stereo for his truck, and the kids got some movies and cd's. My brother was with us too, and it was a great day. We ended by getting sandwiches from Subway and having dinner together. It's so nice to have a family vehicle again!!! It's sooooooo much bigger than our other one was, and has a lot more room in the back, for bags and things. It started raining when we got home, so I wasn't able to get any pics yet. I'lll post them later in the week. We are going to get out to the park and do some spring clothes shopping for the kids this week too.

Valentine's Day!!

2007-02-15T15:50:00.000-08:00

This year, we spread Valentine's day over a few days, lol. My mom took the kids for the night on Tuesday night, so hubby and I took the chance to go out to dinner. We went to a steakhouse called Logan's. It was great!! It wasn't crowded, the service was nice, and the food was excellent!! I had a teryaki steak, complete with a pineapple ring on top, with a loaded baked potato, which included sour cream, butter, jack and cheddar cheese and bacon pieces. MMMMM It was awesome!! We also had appetizers and I had a ceasar salad with mine. After that we did some shopping at Target, and then went for a quick drink. Not too much excitment on a Tuesday night on the bar scene, lol.

Wednesday hubby came home with flowers for me. I knew he would get something like that, sly fox that he is, lol. He bought me several dozen red and pink mini carnations, which I love!! I asked him if feels cheap buying those rather than roses, or if anyone gives him looks, lol. I LOVE carnations so much better than roses. They last longer and smell better too. He said he did get some looks, but he knows that's what I like.

Today (Thursday) I took the kids to Chuck E Cheese, for thier valentine exchange, with our homeschool group. They had a great time. I, on the other hand, didn't enjoy it so much. My mom came with us, since I needed her car to get there, and rather than just ask to borrow it, I asked if she wanted to come with us, and she said yes. So, my mom and I sat at the table, while the kids played. One mom, that recently re-joined the group, said hello to me, and that was it. Because of something that was said a few weeks ago, I believe a few of the moms are upset with me, and the others just really have never had much interest in me at all. I could have gone over and sat there, blahdy blahdy blah and pretended interest. But, I really don't have much in common with most of them. Many of them have younger kids, and did the extended breast feeding, organic food, unschooling thing. That's just not me, and I have nothing to ad to the convo. There is another group that I'll be joining soon. I hope to make some better connections there.

The Sweetest Thing I Ever Read!!

2007-02-12T12:44:00.000-08:00

I just had to share this with everyone. I had posted one of those survey things on myspace, you know stupid, random questions, that your friends can fill out, just for fun. Well, hubby answered it and sent it to me. This one just blew me away, and brought me to tears!!! I never expected such a response. It's so well thought out and heart felt. I think I almost made him cry too, when I said thank you, and through my tears said that I didn't expect an answer like that from him.

19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?We'd get up early in the morning, I'd make breakfast, French Toast Vanilla & Bacon & Sausage. Eat and Watch the sunrise, Then we go, Sky Diving, Bungee jumping, Drive as fast as we could down Highway 46 where James Dean Died, have lunch at the cafe, and talk for a couple of hours, we'd get kicked out for shooting spitballs at people. we'd go wine tasing at Paso Robles, and when it came time to spit in the bucket we'd spit it all over the place, we'd go to the beach along 101/1 and walk along the sand in our bare feet holding hands. We'd travel to Big Sur and rent a Cabin Have dinner over looking the ocean on the cliff. I'd take you back to the room and make love to you, we'd watch, My Fair Lady and When Harry Met Sally, and I'd hold you in my arms so tight, as I said goodbye

First Concert Pic

2007-02-12T12:41:00.000-08:00

Well, like I said, I didn't bring the camera to the concert, but this is the girls just before we left. Can you tell they were excited??!! My oldest, on the left, is getting to be such a teenager, and she's only 10!! But, that outfit did look cute on her, and that's "her style" as she puts it.

Sunday Brunch

2007-02-12T12:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, we had a family Sunday brunch. We made croissants, which the kids helped to roll, and my oldest even put in the oven! Then, I cut up some cantalope, honey dew melon, and apples, and washed the grapes, and we had a nice feast. It was a nice change of pace, and daddy even stopped working to sit down and enjoy it too.

We are somewhat back to normal now. I turned the sick ward back into my living room yesterday, lol. When they kids are sick, they like to sleep in the living room. Since they were all sick at once, they took over the whole room! They still have that lingering cough, but it's not as bad. We'll get some lessons done again today, and get back on track.

1 Year of Blogging!!!

2007-02-07T01:56:00.000-08:00

Happy Anniversary To Me!!! LOL! I have been blogging for 1 year today!! It's funny the direction our life takes us. I was looking over the last years worth of blogs the other night. I am so glad that I started doing this. Things that the kids have said or did, and other day to day things, I would never remember, had I not blogged about them. It's a great way to look back on life.

In recent news, all 3 kids have been sick for the past few days, and driving me nuts with coughing!! None of them are good medicine takers, when it comes to cold and cough medicine, so I have been fighting that battle. And, just feeling awful, listening to them, and knowing I can't do much for them. I have been so frustrated. But, I did get out the vaporizer or humidifier, whichever it is, lol, and that seemed to help them. I think they are just about over the worst of it, thankfully.

There was a delay in getting our tax refund back, so hubby has to call on that tomorrow, to see what we can do. It would have already been deposited, but there was a problem with the bank account, so we have to see about getting a check sent out or something. It will come eventually, so we just have to be patient.

CHEETAHLICIOUS!!!

2007-02-02T14:04:00.000-08:00

The girls had a great time at the concert the other night!! The place was packed too. They were a little unsure at first. You know, any other time we go somewhere, they are expected to sit still, be quiet and listen, haha. They have never been somewhere that you can actually stand up, sing and dance and scream! I have been to concerts before, but usually filled with adults. Listening to thousands of little girls screaming, was a new experience for me, lol! The girls sat and watched for the first two bands. I bought them each a glow stick, and that seemed to bring them to life a bit. They waved them around, and it was great to see them having so much fun. My oldest loved it, and knows almost all the Cheetah Girls songs. They did put on a great show, with costume changes and dancers and lights, very much a show!! And, the messages in the songs are good for younger kids too. It's all about being yourself, not afraid to be who you are, having good friends, and sticking by them, positive things like that. I didn't bring the camera, as it would have been too dark and we were too far from the stage anyway. I did though take a pic of the girls before we left, and I'll post that later on. It sure was a night to remember!!

My Girls First Concert

2007-01-30T14:52:00.000-08:00

Well, I am taking my 2 girls to their first concert tonight!! My mil got them tickets for the Cheetah Girls. We have been to concerts in the park before, Iron Butterfly and some other older groups. But, this will be the first one, in an arena, of a popular group that they know, and like. I probably won't bring the camera, or even my purse, too much trouble. They are so excited, and I know they'll have a great time. So, it's girls and guys night tonight. Hubby and son will go to a movie and to the arcade.

Infor For Non-Homeschoolers

2007-01-27T18:59:00.000-08:00

This was passed on to me, through my homeschool group. I really believe this is all so true, and should be passed on to anyone who doesn't undertstand us. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/PreschoolersandPeace/257413/What+Non-Homeschoolers+May+Not+Know.html

Cha-Ching!!!!!

2007-01-25T14:02:00.000-08:00

HeHeHe!!! Hubby did our taxes last night, and we are getting a very good sized refund!!! We e-filed, and should be getting the money in about 8 days it said. So, in about 2 weeks time, I should have another vehicle. Yay for me!!! LOL!!! I'm excited, can you tell???!!! It won't be brand new, and might not even be a van, but at this point, 2 months of being without, anything will be good. Just as long as it's not white, lol. I want something with color, so I can make it shine. The van we had was white, and it was so boring. But, I have been out exactly 1 night since New Years Day, and that was the $1 movies, a burger and grocery shopping, lol. I can't wait to start getting together with our homeschool group again too. We really need to get something by Feb. 15th, so I can take the kids to Chuck E Cheese, for our Valentine party with the group. We already have valentine cards made out, and I bought candy to give out too. I would love to take a day trip somewhere too, just to get away for a bit, and re-charge.

The handyman came and fixed my kitchen sink today, finally. He was supposed to be here yesterday, but he was fixing a water line that broke or something. So, I have a brand new faucet! No more leaks, and no more hot water whistle while I am washing dishes, lol. I just realized too, that this one is a bit lower than the old one, but oh well. I am so glad that he realized it needed to be replaced, rather than trying to fix the old one. That never works, and just makes things worse. Things are getting so much better around here, and I am really loving it!! After getting our refund and our vehicle, I'll do some shopping, and get some things to spruce things up around here too. We are going to replace our 9 yr old microwave also. I want to do that while it still works, and we have the money, rather than wait until it breaks down, and we have to go without. I also want a microwave cart to put it on. That will also give me more storage for my baking sheets and pans and things. Target has some nice ones. I have gone long enough with things that don't match, and worked "good enough for now". I want nice things, I deserve them, and won't feel guilty about getting them! LOL!!

I can't wait to post pics of all my new things. Only happens once a year, at tax time, lol.

Still Going Strong.....

2007-01-24T12:44:00.000-08:00

I am still doing good. Tired but good, lol. My kitchen is clean, and so is the living room. I'm working on my bedroom now, but have made a lot of progress. I have been able to keep up on things, and it's a great feeling. Even do a load of laundry here and there, which my oldest helps with.

We've done little improvments to make things better too. We replaced the leaking faucet in our bathroom, and today I'm waiting on the handyman to replace the kitchen faucet as well.

We have all of our needed forms to file our taxes with. YAY!!!! So, if hubby ever remembers to bring home his W2, we can efile, and have our refund in about a week or so. Then, we can get a van, or some kind of vehicle, and some other, much needed things. I can't wait!!! I love to go shopping with our tax refund, LOL!! I think we'll take the family to a hockey or basketball game too.

I also want to get into once a month cooking. I have been cooking dinner every night, for the past few days. It's a good feeling, making a nice dinner, and having everyone sit down at the table together. I think the once a month thing will be easier for me, and will save some time. I don't have a really big freezer though. I am going to look up some things, and see what I can find. Anyone else do this??

Another Successful Day!!

2007-01-18T16:55:00.000-08:00

Today has been a good day. It didn't start out too well. I was tired and my back aches from all that I did yesterday, lol. But, it turned into a great day. The other night, when hubby and I went out, we stopped by the school supply store, and got some new math books for the kids, a history book and blank usa maps. Today we labeled the map, so they have a study map, and in a few days, we'll try another one, and see how many states they remember. Then, we started on the new math books, which are grade level for them. I was actually able to explain things to them, in a way that they understood, and I'm not good with math!! Everyone caught on well, and did an excellent job.

Now, I have to clean out the cabinets and put away the groceries that hubby bought the other night. It's nice to have food in the house. I'll start dinner soon after that, and sit down to watch my Thursday night shows.

My New Best Friend

2007-01-17T19:07:00.000-08:00

Okay, how sad am I, that my new best friend is a laundry basket? LOL! But, I love it!! Last night, my mom took the kids for the night, so hubby and I went to a movie, got a burger, and did some shopping. I got this basket with handles, and some dryer sheets. The regular square or rectangle baskets make it hard for me to carry downstairs to the laundry room here. I got really tired of bringing all our laundry to my parent's house, and without the van now, that's near impossible anyway. So, I had hubby get quarters when he cashed his check yesterday. The industrial dryers that we have really take away any fabric softener smells, and things just don't seem clean to me. I thought the dryer sheets would help, and they did! My mom kept the kids most of the day too, took them to a movie and gave them dinner too! I was able to do 3 loads of laundry today, plus dishes and just finished cleaning our school book shelf. Things are really looking up!! I am finding ways to make things work, and make things easier for myself. It's a very good feeling!!!! So, I guess I don't feel so bad about being so happy with a new laundry basket after all. LOL!

New Look, New Attitude, New Me!!

2007-01-16T15:08:00.000-08:00

Well, this week, I have started a new routine, have a new outlook on life, and hopefully can turn things around for myself. I have also changed the look of my blog, like it? Monday will be my cleaning day, catching up from what wasn't done over the weekend, and whatever needs to be done. Touch up on every room, vaccuum, mop the kitchen floor, everything. For schoolwork, the kids will have sentences to write, do a math page or two, and whatever else I put out for them to do, on thier own. Tuesday-Thursday will be other subjects, and things that I will do with them. We'll be doing countries, planets, ocean life, and whatever else I can find. We'll also do whatever holiday or event is at hand. We'll do Chinese New Year next month, and the Iditarod in March, just to name a few. As for cleaning, I'll do one room each day, depending on whichever one needs the most work. And Friday will be reading day, very little cleaning if possible. The weekends will be for whatever, scrapbooking or movies or anything that comes up. Yes, I have taken my scrapbook things back out, added in the new things that my MIL got me for xmas. My pics are sorted, and I have done a few pages in my oldest daughters book. I still need a few more embellishments for some pics, and some more papers, but I do have some things to work with, and it feels good to be creating again!!

This change had to happen. This past Sunday, I almost couldn't get out of bed. I really didn't see the point. Each day is the same, never going anywhere, no one calls me, or comes over, and it felt like no one cared. But, my best friend Andrea called me that evening, and we talked for over an hour, just about nothing. We went to high school together, met our freshmen year, and have been friends ever since, over 20 years now! I'm Godmother to her son too. We are very similar, our emotions get the best of us, we are too nice for our own good, like to stay up late, and sleep in, lots of things like that. It was really good to talk with her, and even though we don't talk that often anymore, I know that she is still a friend, and always will be. I even cooked dinner while on the phone, LOL!

I am also feeling a bit more positive about our vehicle situation as well. Hubby will get his W2 and 1099 this week or next, and we'll be able to file our taxes soon. With that, we can hopefully get another van. If not a van, then at least something to fit us all, that's dependable. We'll also be able to get a few other things, new mattress set for us, and a new bed for my oldest, who doesn't like the top bunk anymore. I also want to get a shade and curtain for our master bathroom window, and some other things, to spruce this place up, since we'll be here a while longer.

So, no more negativity from me. I know there will still be days when I feel down, but I won't wallow in it, and drag it on. I might have a good cry, feel sad for a bit, but then move on. I am a bit bummed that the moms in my homeschool group are starting up the moms nights out again this month, and I can't go. No one has offered me a ride, and I really don't feel right asking for one, so I'll just miss this one. Oh, and on a very bright note, my friend Emily, who also blogs here, (I would link her, but I don't know how to do that!!) is moving into her new house today. In the spring, she wants to start a garden, and has offered to share it with me. Isn't that sweet??!! We'll work on it once a week or every two weeks, depending on what we plant I suppose, and the kids can play. I can't wait for that!!!

LOOK OUT WORLD, I'M BACK!!!!

Why I feel the way I do....

2007-01-10T03:01:00.000-08:00

Alright, well I have been tagged by Hazel, but it's going to take me a bit to think of 6 wierd things about myself. LOL! But, I will get it posted soon.

Okay then, this might get long, so settle in, grab a drink and read on. Not being able to go places or take my kids anywhere is one of the things that has been bothering me about not having the van. Which, by the way, was scheduled to be auctioned off Monday morning, so any chance of getting it back is gone. : ( Anyway, there is more to this than just that. When I was growing up, I was never really encouraged to do anything. I wasn't discouraged either, was just kind of left to do whatever. I was rather quiet and shy, and didn't speak up for myself much. I was not allowed to take drivers ed and drivers training in high school, and therefore had to figure out how to get my license on my own. I'm not really sure why not either. I didnt get any help from anyone, had a permit once, and it expired before I could do anything more about it. So finally, with the help of my then boyfriend, at the age of 23, I got my license. No, that is not a typo, I was 23 years old when I got my drivers license. Only a few close friends knew about it. Co-workers and other friends just thought I didn't have a car. So, I always had to get rides to and from places, or be dropped off by my dad. I think it was a control thing, on his part. If I had my license, he wouldn't be able to moniter where I went and when. But, ever since I got my license, I never wanted to be picked up again, or have to get rides places. Yet, here I am again, at the mercy of others to get places. I know I haven't, but I have this feeling like I have failed somehow. For every step I take forward, I get knocked back at least 2 or more. We just can't seem to get ahead, no matter how hard we try. We struggle so much, and it just doesn't seem fair. I'm not sure what we will do for food for the next week or so. Just once, I would love to go to the grocery store, and buy anything I wanted, without having to add things up, or buy generic. Hubby and I wanted to try and eat healthier this year, but it's really hard, when you can barely afford things. We were out of butter, and a few other things, so hubby had to go to the .99 cent store and get whatever they had. Some canola oil margarine thing. I tried to grow my own veggies, but that failed miserably. The wind knocked over all my herbs, and I have a really brown tomato plant right now, with 3 green tomatoes on it. Not sure what will become of those. I couldn't find anything else to grow in containers. Anyway, I'm starting to wander into poor me town, and I don't want to go there right now, it's too late. I'll go to bed instead, and hopefully things will look brighter tomorrow.

Pity Party

2007-01-07T01:34:00.000-08:00

Pity party tonight, all are invited, but bring your own sob stories. : ) Over all, things are okay. Everyone is healthy, and we've got a little money for food and things. But, we still haven't been able to replace the van, and I am really feeling like I have lost control of my life. Hubby has his truck, thankfully, to get back and forth to work and the store. But, it's a stick, and I have never learned to drive it, and don't want to start now. My anxiety just would not allow it. So, I have no way to get anywhere on my own. My mom has been working a lot, and mostly nights, so borrowing hers is out. I can't take the kids anywhere either. Like I said in a previous post, our homeschool group has started planning park days again, and field trips, and now will be starting up the moms nights out. We are not missed at all apparently. No one seems to even have noticed that we aren't there, and don't care to email or call to check in with us. The kids are looking forward to the annual Valentine's party, and I'm not sure I'll be able to take them. It seems like a simple thing to them, just go out and buy a car! I just can't seem to grasp the meaning in this situation. Everything else has become clear to me soon after it happened. But, this one I just can't understand. I know you are all probably sick of reading about this. But, I really don't know what to do. I am feeling so lost on this one.

It Only Takes One

2007-01-04T02:48:00.000-08:00

I have a new group on Yahoo, think I might have mentioned it before. I just want to keep the giving spirit of the xmas season, all throughout the year. Well, I have chosen the first family to be helped this month, and have posted thier list of wants/needs. So, of course there is someone that has to be suspicious of it all, and complains that this lady is asking for a gas card, and dog food. She did ask for many other things too, shampoo, body wash, cleaning supplies, socks for the kids, and a few other things too. Who are we to judge, and put her down for having a dog? And, her job requires her to drive all over town, so in order to make money, she could use help with gas for this month. I didn't respond directly to the one complaining, but posted to the group as a whole. I wanted everyone to know what my feelings are, and what I want the group to be about. I told them that if someone asked for scented candles, ice cream and Butterfinger candy bars, then I would go out and buy what I could, of just those things! If that is going to make things better for them, who am I to say otherwise. It just really upsets me that people can be so negative and judge others so much. I also had someone tell me that they found it strange that someone who has a computer and internet, could have trouble buying every day things for thier family. Sadly, I know all too well how that can happen. My computer has been paid for for several years now, and the internet is something we need, for hubby's work, so that is one of the first things to be paid. I guess I am just too soft and have too big of a heart. I wish I could live in Disneyland!!!

I'm also bummed about not having replaced our van yet. Not sure when we will be able to do it either. My homeschool group is starting up park day again tomorrow. They will also be alternating between the park and one members house, for movies and such, every other week. They are planning field trips for the coming weeks too. And, here we are, stuck at home, not able to go to any of it!! I feel so bad that my kids are missing out on thier friends. I am also a bit down about the fact that no one has emailed to see how we are doing, since I have not been to anything in over a month, or even posted on the board. We were very active in the group for a time, but apparently not missed by anyone. Everything else has seemed to work out, as far as shopping for xmas and dinners and getting together with family. This vehicle problem has not worked itself out yet, and I just don't understand why??!! I try not to question, and know that when the time is right, things will work out. But, in the meantime, my kids are missing out on things, and I feel really awful about it!!

I've Been Tagged

2007-01-02T00:23:00.000-08:00

I have been tagged by my friend Hazel, so here are my answers. I am tagging Kolfina, Emily & Amanda

Name three things:

* that you had hanging on your tree:
candy canes
ornaments
tinsel

* that you’ve eaten / drunk lots of:
Coke
cookies
chocolate covered cherries

* that you said most often this Christmas
"pick up this living room"
"is there water in the tree stand?"
"what Christmas specials are on tonight?"

* that you heard most often this Christmas
"can I have a candy cane?"
"when are we getting our tree?"
"it's only xx many days until Christmas Eve!"

* that you’ll *never* do again
wait too long to get our tree
shop at the last minute
stay up all night Christmas Eve wrapping presents

* that you didn’t do this year but hope to do next year
go look at Christmas lights
shop earlier
take more time to enjoy the season

* favourite presents this year
my xmas jammies from mom
my scrapbook tote from MIL
my Holly Hobbie mug/hot chocolate set from hubby

* that you’re glad you didn’t get for Christmas
a cold
coal LOL!!
credit card bills (always cash!!)

2007

2007-01-01T00:51:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! WELCOME 2007!!!

It's an hour into the new year, and I can't help but wonder what this year will bring us all. It's starting out well. I made enchilladas for dinner, and my brother came over to eat with us. Then, his friend Jeff came over and we all watched Spiderman. That ended in time to get our champagne and sparkling cider ready, and watch the ball drop. Now, the guys are sitting outside, smoking Jeff's hooka and the kids are playing with Legos and watching the music on the various new years specials. There is nothing more important to me than family, and I am so glad to have mine close by. I am not really going to make any resolutions, as I never keep them anyway. I really just want to make some life changes, that will stay with us.

I hope everyone has had a great New Year's Eve, and wishing the best for everyone in this new year, full of hope and promise!!!

PICS

2006-12-28T23:40:00.000-08:00

1-3 Christmas Dishes for our Christmas Movie day dinner
4- Uncle Bobby showing Harley-Rose how the bracelet maker works
5- Kids going through their stockings Christmas morning

Holiday Activities

2006-12-28T14:34:00.000-08:00

My MIL buys us a certificate for our xmas tree every year, and we go and pick it out. This year though, when we got there, they were sold out!! I always wait as long as I can, so that I can keep it up until New Years Day. I was very bummed, to say the least. So, we ended up at Food Maxx, where they had a few dozen trees left. It wasn't as big as I had wanted, but it did turn out alright after it was all decorated. That was Saturday the 17th.

Then on Sunday, we had our 2nd annual Family Christmas Movie Day. We sit around all day in our jammies and watch Christmas movies, drink hot chocolate and snack! We usually get a party tray for dinner, but couldn't find one this year. So, we had a frozen lasagna and used the Christmas dishes, even had candle light too. (I'm trying to post more pics, but blogger isn't letting me right now, I'll post them in a separate posting after this.)

We weren't able to do our shopping until Tuesday and Thursday before Christmas, but it turned out alright. We found a great sale at Mervyn's, and got them all some much needed clothes, most at 50-75% off. We got $450+ worth of things for $207. They had some toys on sale too, so we really got some great deals!! I tried to start wrapping early, but wasn't feeling too well, trying to catch a cold, and having some sinus problems, so I ended up staying up most of the night Christmas Eve finishing it all.

Saturday night we spent at my inlaws. I was hesitant to go, because I had invited them to come over for a Christmas Eve lunch, but MIL changed the plans on me. Oh well, it all turned out okay in the end. Finally, after all these years, she has gotten to know me, and got me a ton of scrapbook things, and the tote on wheels to put things in too! Hubby got some golf things, and the kids got loads of toys. There wasn't much left under the tree after all thier presents were open, lol.

Christmas Eve we went to the candlelight service at church, where they were doing free family pics. I can't wait to get that back. That was so cool! They are sending a printed out 8x10, and will also email the original pics from the digi cam. My mom and brother Steven came to church with us, which was nice. It's hubby's church, but we have been going there for Christmas Eve for a few years now. Then, after church, we went to the Olive Garden for dinner, where my brother Bobby joined us. This is a tradition we started last year, and we plan to keep up. We had a great dinner, I love italian food!! We then went home, and like I said, was up most of the night wrapping.

Christmas morning the kids were up, not too early thankfully, and opened all thier presents. Santa brings one special gift for each, a small skateboard for Michael, and My Scene dolls with expressions for the girls. He also brought some books for all 3, and a Soduku game for them. Oh, and of course Santa fills thier stockings as well. They got many other things from us, and had a great time opening everything. Then we got dressed and went to my parent's house, for more presents and dinner. After dinner, my brothers sat with Michael putting together Legos. My brother Bobby, who is 32yrs old, also sat with the girls, showing them how to work the bracelet maker he got them, lol!! We also went outside and spent some time by the fire pit. We talked about my brother's race car, and his plans for next year. Some of our cousins were supposed to come by too, but we never heard from them. Makes me sad, but I am really happy that the family I do have are so close.

This week we have been opening toys, and putting things together. I told the kids they could have vacation from lessons this week. We were working on US states, and will finish those up next week. I really haven't felt like doing much either. I do need to get the living room picked up some. My mom bought hubby and Bobby nice leather reclining chairs. So, he's anxious to get that over here. It was raining yesterday, so we couldn't do it then. We still haven't gotten another van yet. Hopefully after the 1st we can look into that again. I really miss being able to go places when I want. We missed out on a few activities around town because of it. We didn't get out to look at the Christmas lights, we missed our homeschool group xmas party, and we've not been able to get to park days. I was even without internet for about a week too. We ended up having to order a new modem. At least that was an easy fix, and I'm back online now. That was torture!! lol

Not sure what our plans for New Year's Eve will be. I guess hubby and my brother were talking about us all going out. Which would be nice. But, it will depend on what my mom is working on New Year's Day, if she can watch the kids for us or not. I'll be happy with just being with my family, ordering a pizza or something, and watching the ball drop. I do hope that the new year will bring some changes for us, and many good things for everyone!!

Not All Bad...

2006-12-14T13:53:00.000-08:00

Just so you all know that my life isn't really as pathetic as I make it out to be, I wanted to share some good things too, lol.

Like I said in my last post, I do have really great kids. Today the cable was shut off. A luxury we can't afford anymore. I think they were bummed at first, no more disney channel, but they put in a movie, and are watching that now. They love movies, and can watch the same one 10 times in a row!!

My mom and brothers are great too!! My race car driver brother is going to go back down to the KIA dealership with hubby next week, and see what can be done. He's a mechanic in the auto mall, and it turns out, the same company that owns where he works, owns KIA too. I am sure there is something they can work out, if not there, than somewhere else. My other brother S, has been helping us get around too, and will help us with our xmas tree this weekend. Hubby's truck has 2 jump seats in the back, so we can put 2 kids back there, and then S takes the 3rd kid, lol. Being that I was 17 when he was born, I am like a second mother to him, and he has always tagged along with us when we go to dinner, or sports events or other things. Hubby and my brothers get along great too, going to concerts together, car shows and hockey games too. My mom is the best!! She is always there for us, for whatever we need. She is the best grandma too!! My kids are really close to her, as I was with my grandma.

And then of course, there is hubby. He is my best friend, and has been since we first met. We have shared things right from the beginning, and have been there for each other always. We have our share of disagreements and misunderstandings, but we are always able to work them out. Though he may never really "understand" me, he let's me be me, and never tries to change me. He knows when to leave me alone, and when to be there. I couldn't ask for more!

I bought a few things yesterday, to make this place look better. Got a valance for the kitchen window, over the sink, and a new rug for the floor there too. I also got some rugs for the bathroom. Just little things, that make a big difference. I always feel guilty about buying things for myself, or new things like decorations. But, it does make things better.

So, I do know that things are not as bad as they seem, and I really do appreicate what I do have, and the great family around me. I know I'll get through somehow. I have been trying to be patient, and not question so much.

Some Thoughts......

2006-12-13T01:27:00.000-08:00

I have so many thoughts that go through my mind every day. My life changes so much every hour, every day. It can be overwhelming at times too. I am going to just randomly share some thoughts now. Beware of curves, hills and dips, lol!

I have really great kids!! I have a pile of toys, sitting on one of the kitchen chairs, and on the floor by it, they look to see what gets dropped off, and then leave it at that. They think it's great that I am helping other kids get xmas presents, they don't ask for what's there, or say they wish they had that.

I have really been on an emotional roller coaster, with my parents. My mom is really fed up with my dad and his antics of late. My brothers are too. They all live in the same house, and deal with it daily. I don't get it as much, so it's different for me. I know some of the things he does are wrong. He's got control issues, and much more. He bought an suv from a co-worker, with more wrong with it then the truck he had. He hasn't even been able to drive it since he bought it, and was able to buy it before selling his current truck. But, if me or one of my brothers did something like that, we would have been "stupid" for not looking into it more, and for taking on something with so many problems. My mom doesn't even want him at the dinner table. She recently re-did her living and dining room, and has a new, bigger dining table, for all of us to sit at together. On Thanksgiving, she was short some chairs still, from the store, so she made it so we could all sit, except my dad. He sat in the kitchen. A part of me doesn't like that at all, and is hurt. I so much want things to be the way they used to be. I want him to be the dad that used to lift me up over the waves at the beach, the one that used to buy me french fries on the boardwalk, the one who, on the day I was born in August, brought an extra blanket for me, but forgot my mom's slippers, lol. I can understand my mom and brother's frustrations though, and don't really say anything. My dad does alienate himself at times too. It's so hard, and I see no end in site. They both keep talking about divorce and all that, but no one ever does anything about it.

I am still waiting for my answer on a vehicle. We went to KIA last night, after I got some money, but was turned down for a van. My mom came down to try and co-sign, but they said her credit wasn't good enough either. I hate that damn credit score!! It's just a number, and I am so much better than that!! Hubby's score is still way down from all the mortage companies looking into it, and I am showing no scores at all. It's so frustrating. I know that we are not meant to have that, or need the help of someone I am not realizing. I am trying not to question, and I know there is a plan. In the meantime, we have no way for all of us to get around, so right now, I am not sure how we'll get to church on xmas eve, or to visit family on xmas day. Every night for the past week or so, I go to sleep crying. Everything just comes at me at once, and I feel so defeated. During the day it's easy to stay busy and occupied, but at night, I am left with nothing but my thoughts. I know things could be much worse, so I try to work through it, but it does get hard. I know we have done this to ourself, the way things happened.

I am often mis-understood, and I know my sil is upset with me, for things she thought I meant. I explained myself, but have not gotten an answer from that, so I know she is still upset. I'm so tired of people not taking the time to get to know the real me, and taking things all wrong.

On a good note though, I do have my family, my kids are healthy and great!! My husband is great, and I love him more and more every day. He is my best friend, and I would be lost without him. My brothers, mom and I are very close, and I love that. I just hope everything else will fall into place, in time. I know we are going to be in the apt. for some time still, so I have been trying to make this a better place. Cleaning and trying to make more room for things. So far I have been doing alright, even organized my closet! I love to decorate for xmas, and that's a good incentive to get things clean and organized. We'll be getting our tree this Saturday. I am so excited. Thankfully, my mil gets us a certificate off the online auction site every year for that. The prices went up this year too. My ornament boxes are out and the space is ready.

As you can see, my mind is everywhere! Hope you aren't dizzy after reading this, lol. I welcome any comments, they do help me a lot!!

Revelation

2006-12-05T16:56:00.000-08:00

I am not a very religious person. I grew up Catholic, and went to Catholic school K-8th grade. So, religion was always there, and I guess I took it for granted. I never really did any studying on my own, or asked questions.

Now that I am older, I have been more open to things, and started exploring on my own. I have found myself praying a lot more too. And mostly, asking for guidance through my many trials and tribulations of life. I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason too. I have been up and down in my life over the past few weeks, and really had a revelation today. My prayers have been answered, in a big way! I was cleaning my closet, of all things lol, and it came to me. For the past 3 years, I was doing some online work, nothing of which I was proud of. It's a chatting service, where the customers are on cell phones, and I answer back, as various people, from my computer. Some of it did get to be very adult oriented too. At first, it didn't bother me, easy work for easy money. Then, after a year, I became a supervisor, having to work 3 hour shifts, and texting a lot! It did get in the way of things, holidays and dinners and whatnot. But, I didn't have to leave home, and it was good money, so I kept doing it. Over the past few months, I started working a late night shift, to keep my afternoons free, for the kids lessons and field trips. I was working 11pm til 2am, and not feeling like going to bed right away, so most nights didn't get to bed until 3am or later. So, I'm sleeping til noon, or there abouts, and not getting anything done, still tired through the day. I was grouchy, and turning into a person I really didn't want to be. Very anxious and emotional. I even asked a friend who she went to for therapy, thinking I need to see a dr. or something. It was getting really bad. We had goals we were supposed to reach each month, and they were really going to enforce it for this month. I emailed and told them that I wasn't sure I would make it, but I would try. I always showed up for my shifts, and worked hard, but they always wanted you to work extra too. I am without my van now, having to share the computer with hubby in the evenings and weekends, heading up that xmas project with my freecycle group, not to mention the millions of other things I have going on during the day. Well, they felt that I had too much going on, and decided to let me go as a supervisor. I was very hurt, even begged one of the owners to give me another chance, but the answer was no. I felt really bad, as I won't be bringing in the money I was. I felt I was letting my family down. What would we do now? Well, after I calmed down during the day, by that night, and the next day, it was like a wieght was lifted from my shoulders. I have my nights free again, to spend watching tv, reading with the kids, or finishing up dishes and other things. Hubby said that even just by looking at me, he could see I was calmer, and happier. Then, I got to thinking about hubby's cousin T. Him and his wife have an online business, selling natural skin care products, vitamins and other things. They seem to be doing well, so I sent T an email. He has his partner coming to town tomorrow, which he doesn't do very often, so we are going to go meet with him. Then, we'll go off with T and H and talk with them more, about our individual needs and goals. They seem to be very nice. To be honest, when I first met his wife H, I always thought her to be a bit snobbish. They did invite us to thier wedding, but it was really big, and we didn't see much of them. When T called me today to set this up, he had to leave a message on the machine, and he said hey tammy, this is your cousin t, guess he is my cousin now too, lol. So, I guess they really are nice people. I think the ones that we really should be around, we have pushed away. I would really like to turn my life around, and become a happier, more content person. I have been on a cleaning frenzy, trying to get this place in shape, then it's easier to keep up. I was making late night quesadillas for hubby and I the other night, and as I was doing that, heard someone in the dumpster downstairs. We may not have a house to invite everyone to, and we may not live in the best neighborhood. But, it is our home. We have nice comfy, warm beds to sleep in at night, decent clothes to wear, and a few family members that really love us. That's really all that matters. I get so caught up sometimes, in the "american dream" and want it all, that I forget about the little things.

Crappy Days

2006-11-30T03:30:00.000-08:00

Yes, crappy and not happy. I tell you what, if it's not one thing, it's 10!! It's like someone saw that I was happy and feeling good and said, oh no we can't have that! Yesterday started out on a bad note. I had a feeling I should have stayed home, wasn't feeling good, and had bleeding sinus' with a sinus headache. But, it was a planetarium field trip, that we had already paid for, so we went. Well, I thought I had left in plenty of time, but spend about 15 minutes driving around, looking for a parking space. It's at the community college, so that was a chore and a half. Finally ended up parking in the street and walking a ways. Which would have been fine, if I didn't have to carry my son, who's feet turn in, one leg shorter than the other, and can't walk fast. I knew were were a bit late, but thought we were fine, as it was only our group. Little did I know that they are very strict about the time, and locked the door promptly at 11am. We were not the only ones that didn't make it, but the kids were upset. A lot of frustration for nothing. So, we left there and went back home. Hubby was getting off early, as it was our 7yr wedding anniversary. We were going to go to dinner, but we went out last week, night before thanksgiving, so couldn't do both. But, he got off early anyway, and we were all going to go to lunch. In our travels, we were going through a school zone, and a cop caught hubby speeding. Damn. Well, turns out to be worse than that. Seems his license is suspended, without our knowing, and our tags are also not up to date, which we did know, but they had already taken out the fees from hubby's check, and all we needed was to get it smogged. Well, according to the jerk of a police officer, that is still not registered. So, he gives hubby a ticket for speeding, a citation for driving under a suspended license, AND impounds the van, for 30 days!!! Ugh, it's making me cry now thinking about it again. He left us all on the side walk, as the van gets towed, and he drives away. Treated us like we were some common criminals!! I felt, and still do feel awful. My kids never should have had to go through something like that. This was around 2pm, and we still hadn't eaten, which made me feel even worse!! I know it's our own fault, partly. We did not know that his license had been suspended though. They expect you to be mind readers. They say that things went out in the mail, but if we don't get them, how are we to know??!!! I know that we should not have let the van's tags go that long, but it's not the worst thing in the world. That cop was such a jerk, and we did not need to be treated that way. So, my brother had to drive to the mall in his truck, leave it there and take my mom's suv and come pick us up. Thank God for him!! Then we went back to the mall, where my mom works, and met her. We had dinner at the food court, finally something to eat! I did start to feel better, as I know it could have been worse. Hubby could have been arrested, and I know I would not have been able to handle that. Now, I don't know what we need to do, or how much it will take. I'm not even sure if it will be worth it to get the van out. We have been thinking of replacing it anyway. So, we might just go get a KIA. They have ads that say, if you have a job and $199 then they can get you a car. Sounds strange I know, get your van impounded, and go get a new one instead, lol. But, hopefully this will be a blessing in disguise, and come out alright. I just really feel lost without my van. It's one thing for it not to work, but at least it's here. I look out the window now, and it's not even there. I'm not a very materialistic person, but that is one of the few nicer things I have. I really have to stop crying, cause it stuffs up my nose even more. Yes, all this and fighting a sinus infection/cold too! Which, all the kids are getting, in one form or another as well. I feel bad not being able to take the kids to the park tomorrow, on park day with our homeschool group. My kids are great though, and they do understand, even though I know they are a little upset. I just really want happier memories for them, and not ones like this. Here I am going through all this, and heading up a project for xmas presents, through our local freecycle group. If it weren't for me, it would not have happened, and I know a lot of families were counting on it, since they did it last year. But, the lady who did it last year moved, and the other one is working full time this year. So, at least I have something to keep me busy, but don't have a way to pick things up from anyone, so it's presenting a challenge. I do have helpers though, thankfully. Wow, think I am rambling now. It does feel so good to be able to get this out though. Think I will also blog about something else that's been on my mind, but that can wait for tomorrow. I just know that things happen for a reason, and I hope this all turns out alright. I know there are a lot of people without cars, and it's not the end of the world. It's just hard to deal with, when I'm used to being able to go where ever and whenever i want. Alright, enough, I'm going to bed now, with a little bit lighter of a heart.

Wow, 2 Good Days in a Row!

2006-11-20T16:59:00.000-08:00

LOL! Yesterday was a good day. We went over to my parents house, and I made enchilladas, and we had a Baskin Robins ice cream cake for dessert. My mom used to make dinner for all of us, almost every Sunday. But, she started working a few months ago, at JC Penny. So, being retail, she's working on the weekends. I was really missing getting together, so I decided to make dinner myself. My brothers really like my enchilladas, so it made me feel good.

Today has been a good day so far too. The other night, I got a notebook, and made a planner for myself. I guess I always try to tackle too much at once, and think I can clean the whole place in one day. Not gonna happen! lol So, today on my list was to do some things online that I had to get done, clean off the kitchen table, and do some lessons with the kids, starting on our geography. We are still doing well with the chore lists for the kids too, and last night, in doing new charts for this week, I had them each help me clean off the kitchen table, twice a week. That worked out well. So, I got my online stuff done, my oldest helped me clean off the table, and then we got our school books out. They were very interested in learning the states. We did the first 3, in alphabetical order. They learned the capital, the 2 letter code, and where they are on the map. I told them a bit about each state too. Always makes me feel good to see them interested in learning.

So, with all that done, I now have some time to sit down and blog, and I'll make dinner in a bit. Even though there is more that can be done of course, it's on my list for another time. No one is coming over, and I really do need to just relax. I need to take more time for me, and to spend with my family. I think that was what stressed me out, and made me feel bad about things. Today is the first real cold day of the season too, and that has me feeling good!! Last night it was really foggy and it hung around this morning too. Today is cloudy, so cloudy that I had to turn on the lights at 3pm!! I love this time of year. I am really looking forward to putting up my xmas decos too.

Setback

2006-11-17T01:21:00.000-08:00

Well, I was feeling good. However, yesterday, we were at my parent's house, doing laundry. The kids were in the back yard, and Alexis, my 8yr old, was going to jump over the last step, changed her mind in mid jump, but her body went forward anyway. She couldn't stop herself of course, and fell right down on her face. I'm so glad that I didn't see it. She scratched her forehead, eyebrow, side of her nose, and it mostly below her left eye. Last night she didn't sleep, and went to bed finally around 6am. Today her eye is so swollen, and it's getting purplish red. I'm glad it's not swollen shut though. She is not used to being hurt, and especially not like that. So, we didn't even go to the thanksgiving party with our group today. She is embarrassed, and didn't want anyone to see her that way. I was a little bummed when they changed it from the park to someone's house though anyway, and so were the kids.

It's really depressing too, when you realize that someone that you thought was a friend, and close friends, don't feel the same towards you. I found that out about several people today. And, along those same lines, I'm being shunned around the apts. like I have the plague. I said something that I do deeply regret to a nieghbor. I butted in, where I shouldn't have, tried to explain and apologize, but it got way out of hand. But, that is the only time that has ever happened for me. I have been nothing but nice to everyone, in the entire 10 yrs we have lived here. I simply made a mistake. But, the woman next door to me, can do that crap all the time, piss everyone off, pull a gun on me even, and that's alright apparently! Everyone still says hello to her. I came home last night, with 4 trash bags of laundry, and was struggling to carry them, ended up dragging them from the parking lot. This guy that I thought was a friend, pulled up, and sat in his car, listening to music until I was far enough away. He never does that. I am really trying to find a way through this. It just would be nice to know that someone cares enough to ask how Alexis is doing, or to at least say hello, or to thank me when I have done something for them. I know I am probably whining, and I don't mean to be. At times like this, I feel very alone in the world, and it's not a great feeling.

GREAT DAY ~ BACK TO MY OLD SELF!!

2006-11-15T03:06:00.000-08:00

What a great day I had today. I was so focused and felt like my old self again. The kids and I went shopping at Wal-Mart, starting with lunch at McDonald's first. Then, we went to get some craft things for our anual Pilgrim, Pioneer and Native American day at the park, with our homeschool group. We are all bringing a dish to share, and a craft or game for the kids to do. I am making corn bread muffins and bringing things for the kids to make dream catchers. The store wasn't really crowded and the kids were really good. I was able to get everything we wanted. I also got them some things to make a "rainy day" box - a big box of crayons, and some coloring, mazes, word search and activity books, all in a medium size plastic container. We'll add to it, but that will give them something to do, on the cold and rainy days ahead. I even got myself a new top to wear for Thanksgiving. Nothing fancy. It was clearanced to $11 but scanned at $7, down from $18.84, so that was cool. I also got myself some new nail polish and a small manicure set. Somewhere along the way, throughout the years, I seem to have lost "myself" and really would like to find me again, lol. There was a time, back before kids, when I would never leave the house without a shower, hair and make up done, and I always had my nails polished. I don't find those things as important anymore, but would like to do them from time to time. Anyway, I am feeling very confident. I have everything I need for Thursday, and still have a day to make the corn bread muffins. It was such a good feeling today, to be back to "normal" again. I hope I can keep it up. My favorite time of year is upon us, and I will soon be sending out xmas cards, and putting up my decorations, and doing some shopping. I know things will be a lot better, for the next few weeks anyway. One day at a time.

Success!!

2006-11-10T01:32:00.000-08:00

Well, mostly, lol. I was washing dishes the other day, and a thought came to me. So, I went to the bookshelf and got 3 pieces of construction paper, put one kids name on top of each, and made them a check list of things to do, each night, before bed. Then, hubby and I decided that each thing will be worth 1 point, and each point is worth $.25. Each month, on payday, we'll add up the points, and they can get the money to go shopping at the Dollar store. So far it's working great. The tv goes off at a certain time each night, and then they have an hour after that before bed. The first two nights, they went right to sleep. I was amazed! lol The other night though, they had a problem, and my son had a point taken away, and last night they all had a point taken away. They didn't like that much though, so I think they'll try not to get points taken away again. They really like being able to check off thier things, and it's great for me, having a clean living room! lol

I really haven't felt like blogging lately. Haven't really felt like doing much. Not sure why. Just feeling down in the dumps. I have some anxiety problems, and fears of going out sometimes. The one thing that saved me, was having the cell phone. Well, it's actually one of my mom's phones, under her name. She forgot to pay the bill, so now the service is suspended. She spent part of the money she put aside for it, cause she forgot what it was for. I knew it was bound to happen. She's just that way. MIL will be putting hubby's phone in his name by the end of the year, and then we'll get one for me, under his account. I need a better phone anyway, as this one won't let me lock the keypad anymore. The button is sticking. I have been fighting back tears for the past few days, and not sure why either. We are coming up on my favorite time of year, and I want to be able to enjoy it. I hope I can get past this. Once I start decorating and shopping, maybe I'll feel better. My mom has been redecorating her house, and is going to have the whole family over for Thanksgiving, so that will help my mood too. Growing up, everyone always came to our house for holidays, cause my mom is the only one that can cook and bake, lol. So, even though everyone is older now, it will be great to get together again!

Okay, so now you are sorry I started blogging again, lol. This was more of a ramble. I'll be going to bed now.

We Have Tomatoes!!

2006-11-03T22:30:00.000-08:00

Well, little tiny ones, and they are still green, lol, but they are growing!! Both the regular plant and the grape hanging one as well. I almost lost them due to the heat during the summer, but they have survived. I feel so good about growing something from a seed! My daughter Alexis wants me to get a strawberry plant too.

Catching Up

2006-11-03T00:54:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I last blogged. Just didn't feel like typing stuff out.

Well, let's see. Hubby didn't get the new job he interview for. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. They went with someone with more experience. It's just as well I suppose. It would have required some weekends, and that is our family time, and time for him to work on his own business stuff. I know he's bummed and hasn't really looked for anything else. I know there is something out there for him.

My oldest turned 10! My baby is almost a teenager. I can't believe it. I'll post some pics later on. I want to scan in her baby pic, and then a pic now. She had a party at the park, with our homeschool friends, and a party here at home, with her friends here, and my mom came over too. They played outside, and I bbq'd some hotdogs. She enjoyed it, and had a great time, so that made me happy.

We took a trip to the pumpkin patch on the 23rd, with our homeschool group. Then afterwards, we all went to the park, for a trick or treat party. The kids did some crafts, and colored some treat bags, and trick or treated to all the moms for candy and treats. It was a great day, but way too warm! lol Then on Halloween, after a quick stop at my mom's house, we went to hubby's church for thier Harvest Festival. It was nice, not too crowded, with plenty of games and candy. Everyone was so nice and very generous with the candy, whether the kids won or lost, lol. It was all about fun. There were some bounce houses there too.

Now, it is the beginning of November, and xmas is just around the corner. I want to start my shopping this month, and get some of it done, so we don't have to do it all next month. I am also heading up a santa project, for the families on our local freecycle group. Takind donations in the next few weeks, and I hope it all works out well. It's so nice to be able to help others, when I was on the recieving end so many times in the past. We aren't doing great, but much better than in past years. We get by, on a wing and a prayer for sure. But, I know we have it much better than some.

So, that is the past few weeks updated for you all. I'll post pics maybe tomorrow.

Proud of my brother!!

2006-10-16T01:02:00.000-07:00

My brother had his second to last race today.It was the Budweiser Nationals, something he has wanted to race in for years. Actually yesterday and today, but to save money we only went today, and yesterday was only heat races anyway. As you can see, between the top pic from the beginning of the season, and the bottom pic from today, it's seen it's share of the race track, and the wall and other cars, LOL!! We all have had so much fun these last few months with it though. He has put in so much hard work, and long hours. It's what he has always wanted to do, and he has not let anything or anyone stand in his way. It was slow going at first, but once he really put his mind to it, he took off, and never looked back. There are times when I really do get nervous, like a few weeks ago when he had a small fire under the car, but I don't let it show, and know he has many safety measures in place. He worked his butt off today, started from the D main, finished 4th and transfered to the C main, finished 4th again, transfered to the B main, all having at least 20+laps. But, with 3 laps to go in the B main, he was spun out by another driver and had to go to the back. He wasn't last, but didn't make it to the transfer position. It did bring tears to my eyes, and I know he was upset too, but he was able to get over it, and so was I. He had fun, even said so himself. It's good to see him so happy. He has one more race, on the 28th, and that's it for the season, until next March.

Field Trips

2006-10-10T02:41:00.000-07:00

We went on 2 field trips last week. On Thursday we went to a local tv station. We walked around and were shown the control station, where they put in all the commercials and other announcments, and then we walked down the hall, and could look into the news room, where they were doing the news at noon. We got to see the weather guy do his report in front of the green screen. When he was done, he came out into the hall, and talked to us for a while. He was really nice. We saw too, that the cameras are all automatic now, and do not have people behind them anymore. I enjoyed it, but the kids said it was boring, lol. We went to another station last year, and we got to sit in the newsroom, during the entire news at 5pm. I would think that was boring, cause they had to be quiet the whole time. But, what do I know, lol. After that, we joined our friends at the park, since it was park day.

Then, on Friday, we all got up early, and took a drive to the mountains, about 45min. away, to go apple picking. Daddy got to come with us on this one too. The weather was so Fall like, windy and cloudy. The owner of the apple farm talked to us a while, about what it takes to run the farm and things they do. We found out that they trim and prune the trees to be short on purpose, so they don't need ladders or anything special to pick the fruit. He also told us about the natural wax that is in the apple peel, and how to shine them. After that, the kids got to pick their own apples! It was a lot of fun. We left there, and went back to town, grabbed lunch and went home. After eating, I took a nap, and Michael came and layed down with me too. Mike had his interview at 12:30pm. But they were behind in getting the magazine out, so they weren't able to see him. They did schedule another interview for Wednesday at noon. That is encouraging, that they are willing to work with him during his lunch hour, and they seem very interested in talking with him. I am really hoping and praying for a positive outcome on that. We'll see.

LIFE IS FUNNY....

2006-10-05T02:28:00.000-07:00

I really don't know what to think about life sometimes. Today, hubby got a raise at work, $1 an hour more. Plus, he got an interview for a new job, set for Friday at 1:30pm. He wouldn't have been able to go to the interview either, if he wasn't off, to go apple picking with us Friday morning. I figure, the reason we didn't get a house when we were looking, is that we really couldn't afford it. We would liked to think we could have made it work, but the reality is that we couldn't have. We are struggling now, trying to pay bills, rent and buy groceries. Hubby decided it was time for another job. He's just not happy where he is either. He's a graphic designer. He's now in a small print shop, with only him, another lady and the boss, when he decides to work. So, no room for growth or moving up at all. He looked on a local website, for jobs, and found one, that had just been posted the day before. He sent in his resume, and some work samples, and they called today to set up the interview. He is very talented, and does great work! I hope this works out for him. He deserves to be in a place that he is happy in, and with people that appreciate his work. But, at least until he can find something else, he will be making a little more money now. Not bad for a Wednesday, lol.

What do I do???

2006-10-03T01:45:00.000-07:00

Okay well, my good mood didn't last very long. It will be back, but for now I am a little upset. I need to get this out, and maybe ask for some advice, if anyone has any to give.

First, there is a boy in the apts., I'd say he's about 5, and he is a bully pretty much. He hits, kicks, takes other people's toys, for no reason. I have let it slide, and never really said anything. Well today, I had enough. The kids were playing outside, and I heard someone crying. I went down, and found out that this kid had bit my oldest, in the arm. That's it! I go up to his apt, and talk to the mother. Well, of course, he doesn't have this problem at school and never fights with anyone there, so it must just be my kids. Then she says that she has seen one of my kids hit his head into a wall. I doubt that ever happened, but for goodness sake, if you see that happening, then say something!! She says oh no, kids will fight, and I just let them. No, kids do not need to fight with thier hands, especially not at that young age. I always tell me kids to keep their hands to themself, even if just playing. I have seen this kid act out, for no reason. He has some issues, that they aren't addressing. The other day, he came home from school, and no one was home. He sat outside, alone, for a good half hour or so. Imagine how that made him feel. He sat there, with his head down, wouldn't look at anyone or play with the kids. According to the mother, my kids must have done something to him first, to make him do that. Apparently there is no reasoning with this woman, and her views are far different from mine. So, I walked away, and told my kids to not play with him anymore. He has a sister, a few years older than him, who is very sweet, and they do play with her. It's going to be hard, playing with her and not the brother, but that's how it's gonna be. I hate conflict with anyone, and especially a nieghbor.

Secondly, for our homeschool group, we have a yahoo groups site. There is a new member that just joined. I already knew her, a little. She had quintuplets 3 years ago, and I was one of the volunteers to go and help feed the babies and whatever else they needed at the time. As they got older, they cut down on the volunteers, and I lost touch with her. Well, they also have 2 older girls, who they had to pull out of private school. Now, being in public school, they are so bored, she decided to homeschool them. We are going on a tour of one of the local tv stations this week. This lady had said that she wanted to go on a certain day, and take the girls, but now might have to cancel. Well, one of the moderators of the group, sent a message, I am guessing to the other moderator, but it went out to the group instead. Basically what she said is - what is with this lady, she said she HAD to go on that day, now she says she can't, how annoying. I think that is so uncool, and not right at all. Now I wonder what is said behind my back. I don't want to be in a group with a bunch of phony friends, who only talk to me cause I'm there. I don't have a house to invite people over to, so no one invites us to thier little play groups. They don't make it obvious that they are having them, but i know they do, cause they do say things about being at so and so's house the other day, and things like that. I have no real friends. And, that does really get to me now and then. Luckily I am very close to my mom, and two brothers, and that does help. There are some really nice people in the group, so I will just do my best to be friends with them, and get out of it what I can.

Fall is here!!

2006-10-02T16:38:00.000-07:00

Fall is here, and I love it!! I was so surprised to wake up to clouds yesterday, and cool temps. Then, it started sprinkling, and rained on and off all day, and even poured last night. I know it's strange, but I love this kind of weather!! We stayed in our jammies all day, and watched Harry Potter movies, in the living room, as a family. Then for dinner, we had daddy's favorite, soup and sandwiches. It's still cool and cloudy today, but I am not sure that we'll get any more rain. I hope it stays this way, but it might warm up a little more before the cold weather comes to stay. Now, I have to go through and get all the kids pants and long sleeve shirts out. I am in such a content and happy mood, and will be that way for most of the season. My favorite time of year is coming up, and I'm so excited!! It's good to finally feel this way. We have a busy month ahead too, and I'm looking forward to it all.

Homeschooling

2006-09-30T00:39:00.000-07:00

I just have to say how thankful I am to be able to homeschool my children. I hear horror stories from the other moms in my group, of what they went through, before they took thier kids out of public school. I am very fortunate not to ever have had to put my kids through that. When I was in high school, our neighbors across the street were homeschooled. So, luckily I did know about it. I didn't give it much thought though, but as my oldest got closer and closer to school age, I really was nervous about putting her in. I was working full time, and really never thought I would be able to quit my job and stay home with them. A blessing in disguise, I was let go from my job, after 9/11, since I was working in the travel industry at the time. Everything just fell into place after that, and we are happily homeschooling from day 1 today! I love our lifestyle, and wouldn't trade it for anything. I am still getting used to some aspects of it. Like, going out to a store or someplace, in the middle of the morning or afternoon, and getting the looks of "why aren't those kids in school?" or even the constant questioning from some family members. But, I am dealing with it. I believe I have made the right choice for my family, and it works great. All 3 of my kids are happy, healthy, outgoing, polite, energetic and caring little people. I am even helping an online friend in Montana to begin homeschooling her 4 yr old son. She was worried about teaching him how to read. I told her about this great show on PBS called Between the Lions, and then told her how to break down the alphabet to each letter sound, then to break down the words, letter by letter. She's going to give it a try. That really does make me happy. And, if it doesn't work out, then that's fine too. To each his/her own. It's so great to feel so passionate about something, and really feel right about it all. For a time, I really did question my decision, but now I am very happy with it, and feel all is well!! Okay, just had to share that. : )

Our Day at the Fair!

2006-09-28T20:52:00.000-07:00

Harley-Rose touches a snake / Magic Show, my three on the bench

We spent yesterday at the county fair. It was a great day. We went around 10am, and met with some other families in our homeschool group. We saw all the animals, and the exhibits, had lunch, and looked at more things. It was really warm, but in the shade it was alright, so we took breaks here and there. It's so great that we get along so well with the other families. We watch each other's kids, and we all have a great time together. In the afternoon, hubby got off work early and met us there. We went to look at more things with daddy, and had dinner too. We didn't go on any of the rides. They are so expensive, and there were so many people by then, I just didn't want to mess with it. We did see more things this year then we normally do. It was a great day. I did get the kids cotton candy, of course, lol. I felt bad about no rides, so I had to do something.

Today, we went and met our friends at the park. Thursday is park day every week, so we went for a little while. I was really tired and sore, and I think Michael was tired too, so we didn't stay long. It is nice to sit with friends for a while, and talk, even if we did see them yesterday, lol.

Right now, it's 9:20pm, and I'm still waiting for dinner to cook. : ( I'm cooking roast, and I didn't think it would take this long. I am not sure why it's not cooking right. I already took out the potatoes, as they are done. I hate when things don't work out as I want them too, and I know everyone is hungry. Really bums me out. I will go check it now, and hope it's close to being done. I cut it a few more times.

I'm ready for Fall!!

2006-09-20T00:49:00.000-07:00

I went to the store the other day, and all the Halloween stuff was out, so I got a few things. They aren't really Halloween so much as Fall, but there is candy corn, lol. Plus, it encourages me to keep the table clean, to display my decorations. I am so ready for the seasons to change, and for the holidays coming up.

I have kept the kitchen pretty clean along with the living room too. I have also cooked dinner two nights in a row! haha Both nights were totally homecooked. Monday night we had, what my mom always called scrambled hamburg. I peeled and cut real potatoes, boiled and mashed them. Then browned some hamburger, and mixed in some brown gravy, to put over the mashed potatoes. Tonight we had baked ziti. I boiled the pasta, and grated the cheese, the garlic bread I did cheat though, lol, oh and it was pre-made spaghetti sauce. My brother came over, to try and fix Mike's glasses that broke, and he stayed to eat too. It makes me feel so good to cook for my family, and to see them enjoy it. We even sat at the table tonight too.

School work is going great. Harley-Rose is working on her cursive, and doing really good. Alexis and Michael are doing well too. They have been sitting down and doing thier work, then they go out to play. I don't want to fight with them to do anything, and don't pressure them to get anything done. I think that way they are more willing to do things too. We'll meet our group at the park on Thursday, for a play day. Next week we'll be going to the county fair, on Wednesday, for school day. Then the week after that, we'll be going up to the mountains to pick apples. Next month we have a few other field trips lined up, and Harley-Rose's birthday too, plus Halloween. So, we'll be pretty busy for the next few weeks, but nothing overwhelming. Good things to look forward to.

Outdoor Oasis

2006-09-20T00:35:00.000-07:00

The other day, someone on the local freecycle group was giving away some silk ficus trees and silk palm trees. I have been wanting to get some ever since we moved over to this apt. and put out the chairs. They are so expensive, so I never did get around to getting any, until now! I love it!! It looks a little better out there, even though no one else takes care of this place. We haven't had a chance to sit out there and enjoy it yet, but hopefully it will cool down soon, and Mike and I can sit out there, and have a drink.

These are my tomatoes. The hanging grape tomatoes are doing great, ever since I started giving them the Miracle Grow Tomato plant food. I am so proud of that one. It's even starting to grow flowers too. My other one is a little wierd. It's started to die and grown a new plant at the same time. I have to get a cage for it now, its' starting to droop a little. I can't wait until I get some tomatoes!! I've lost all my other herbs. The heat was too much for them. I'll try again when the weather cools off.

Realization

2006-09-14T02:06:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today, about things. My thoughts wandered from this to that, as they sometimes do. I was thinking about having to get my kids clothes for the new season, and trying to get them things they want. We don't have much money, but I try and get them as much as I can. I know when I was a kid, we didn't have much either, and I had to settle for generic of most things, and sometimes was made fun of. A lot of things have occured to me in the last few years, about my dad, and I have realized something else today. We don't have much, but I always want my kids to have better than I did, and try my best to make that happen. I buy them brand name, when I can, but it's not important. When my brother and I were kids, we almost never had brand name anything. Instead of Trivial Pursuit, we had some trivia adventure game, where you had to go from one planet to the other, by answering trivia questions. I wanted a children's bible that all my friends had, but of course got a generic version of it. I now realize though, that it wasn't that my parents couldn't afford these things. It was all about control, as in my dad controling what we had and what we didn't. We wanted one thing, but we got another, cause he controled it. As a teenager, I wasn't wild, didn't go out much, mostly stayed home, but whenever I was on the phone for more than 5 min. with a friend, he would tell me to get off. He didn't need the phone, he just didn't want me on it. It's all so clear to me now. He would take me to the store, when I was younger, and even if I was using my own money, he would still try to influence what I was buying. If they didnt' have what I went for, I would get something similar, and that drove him nuts! I didn't want to wait, so I would get the next best thing, it was my money, what's the big deal??!! He still trys to do it now too, but gets upset when we don't listen to him. It is pretty upseting to me now though, realizing all of this. His whole life is about control, and if he can't control us, he thinks he can't love us, and doesn't participate in our lives. We were over at the house the other night, dropping off the kids with my mom, and stopped to talk to my brothers in the driveway. My dad went out to the store, and walked right down the driveway, past me, like he didn't even know me. Didn't say hello, good-bye or even look at me. There are so many other issues with my dad as of late, that I won't go into now. I think though, I am the only one it bothers this much. My brothers have pretty much distanced themselves from him, and my mom is pretty through with him too. He talks about divorce, and selling the house, but never does anything about it. He threatened me with boarding school all my life. I was always told I could do better in school, that I had potential, but was never really encouraged. I was just supposed to figure it out for myself. I was so sheltered, and knew nothing of the world. I had never even worked a combination lock until I got into high school, and my PE teacher had to show me how to do it, for my locker. Mike always says, why do you let it get to you? I shouldn't, and I shouldn't dwell on things, but I do. And, it doesn't help to slowly realize these things, little by little. He has even so much as already bought his burial plot, back in MA, where we are from. That upsets me too. When he's gone, I won't even be able to visit his grave! We have had so many family discussions, that usually end up in shouting matches, but it all goes in one ear and out the other. He is on some other planet these days. A few summers ago, he went back to MA, to visit his sister. I guess he whined and cried to her, about how awful we are to him and whatnot. She actually emailed me, to say why don't I give him a chance, why don't I include him in things, etc. My answer? I do include him, but he's the one who would rather go out in the driveway, and change the oil in his truck, then watch his grandchildren open thier birthday presents, at thier party, that was in his own living room. The driveway was in plain view from the front window too, and I had to close the curtain trying to hide him. Because when I told him that I was pregnant with the twins, his response was "what, are you stupid?" I do include him, but that's how I get treated. But, I still kept doing it. And, I still will do it, because I am the better person. I buy him xmas presents, and have him over for dinner on Christmas day, with my family, cause it makes me happy. He is nice and cordial, for the few hours he is here. But, then the next day, or a few days later, he's back to the same person. It's so hard for me, cause I know that he can be a good person. And I do remember the good days, of being daddy's little girl, with him lifting me up over the waves at the beach, or taking me to the store with him, or making my snow horses, which were just piles of snow, with a shovel stuck in it for the riens. It just really eats me up inside, and that is what I deal with every day. As he gets older, into his 60's now, and with his welding job, I am always afraid, every day, of getting that call, that something has happened to him. This is what I worry about that most. Part of it is my anxiety, and part is just life.

Stuff...

2006-09-05T02:17:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a few days, so thought I would just type some things in. I hope everyone is doing well.

We will officially start some school work tomorrow. I haven't had the chance to get a schedule done yet, so just wrote down some page numbers in the math workbooks they have left over, and for them to do some practice writing. That should get them off to a start. We won't really do too much, but just enough. Though, I was excited about things for this year with our group, they have turned out to not happen as planned. Without having gotten our house, it counts me out of things, not having anywhere to invite everyone to. I can help someone else with what they are doing,but not the same as doing something on my own. What I had planned was kind of forgotten anyway. I knew no one was really interested. So, I'm bummed about that. All is not lost though, I'll still take the kids to participate in things, but it just won't be as good at it could have been.

Had a nice 3 day weekend with Mike home. We had big plans for doing things around the apt. to clean and get organized more, but none of it happened. Well, I did some things that I had wanted to get done. Cleaned the kitchen, mopped the floor, even got down and scrubbed and scraped. Almost done with the dishes too. I do feel good about that. I'll get all the way there eventually. Even did a mini cleaning of the fridge, since Mike did a smalll grocery shopping. He even bought me a single rose. It's so pretty, and I was really surprised. It's blooming beautifuly too.

The weather is still so hot here, in the upper 90's still. I hope that it will start to cool down real quick. That will put me in better moods for sure. This heat just drains me, and I hate to be out in it, even for 5 minutes. With our a/c on it's not comfortable in my room either. Our room was an add on to the apt. and they put in a large, square vent in the middle of the ceiling. The rest of the apt just has the small rectangle vents, that don't allow much air out of it. So, I freeze in my room, while the kids are sweating still in the living room. Okay, enough complaining, lol.

At the end of the month, we are going to take once last trip out of town, before we have to buckle down and start saving for our move. I was thinking of going to the beach, but Mike doesn't really care for it. So, we have some tickets for the Los Angeles Zoo, that my mil gave us a while back. They expire next month, so we'll go down there. It's only about 2 hours away. It looks really nice too. It's a big place, and also has botannical gardens. Some I know don't care for zoos, calling them animal jails. I sort of feel that way, but this place does treat the animals very well. It's good for kids to be exposed to animals that they would not normally ever see. Now, the circus is a whole other thing, and we don't go to those. So, I have something to look forward to. We'll go on the 29th and 30th of this month. Maybe I will get to the beach anyway, if only for dinner or something. We won't be that far away. I just love the ocean! It's so peaceful and calming, and makes me feel so small and all my cares seem to fade away.

Okay, so that was some stuff that's been on my mind. It's good to get it out. I'm sure there is more in there, but it's late and I should get to bed.

Timing

2006-08-31T22:27:00.000-07:00

Well, as they say, timing is everything, and apparently this was not our time. In looking for someone to finance the manufactured home, we had too many looking into our credit, and the scores came down. I think it's dumb how that works, but that's how it is. So, I have taken advice from a few different people, and we will wait a few months, possibly until after the first of the year, before looking for another house. Our hope is too, that prices will come down over the next few months as well. Things are just at a stand still right now, no one selling and no one buying. It's awful, and I really feel bad for our realtor. We will definatly be using her again when we are ready. She's become a good friend too, so that is one good thing that has come of this. I am really bummed, to say the least, but I've accepted things. There is a reason we need to wait, so I am trusting my faith and beliefs, and we will wait. I'm sure when the time is right, we will find something great. There are a few things we need to take care of first, like getting Mike a new computer, after his crashed, and I need to get the kids set for winter clothes and we have birthdays and the holidays coming up. So, we'll enjoy those, and then start off the new year right. As the weather cools down, my moods will improve and we'll get more involved in our homeschool group and things will be okay. Winter is my favorite time of year, and I love the holidays.

Something really touched me the other day, and I really feel right about my life. I have a friend, who I have known since kindergarten. We grew up in MA, and then my family moved out here to CA. She then, several years later moved out here too, and now lives about 5 hours from me, with her husband and 2 boys. Our kids are close in age, and she just this year started homeschooling for the first time. I hope that I had a part in encouraging that decision. She has one son who is autistic, and the school was not working with him at all. Anyway, the other day, she sent me an e-card for my birthday. It was a really cute Holly Hobbie, old fashioned type card. It was so touching and meant so much to me. I emailed her, thanking her for it, and mentioned the Holly Hobby doll I had as a kid. She emails back, says yeah, she had brown braids. OMG! I can't believe she remembered that!! I said yeah, what was left of them, in the end, lol. She then says that she loved coming to my house to play, that my mom was always so nice to her, and my little brother always smelled like johnson's baby powder, lol. Then, the thing that really got to me, was when she said, "remember playing school in your basement? who would have ever thought we would be doing it now, at the kitchen table." That really hit home, and I realized, this is really what I was meant for in life. My husband and kids, being a stay at home mom, and homeschooling them, is the one thing in life that I am sure about. I know I am doing the right thing. And, that is the greatest feeling ever!!

Not Meant To Be...

2006-08-27T02:49:00.000-07:00

Well, the house I thought was to be ours, is not going to be ours afterall. We could not get financing for it. No ones wants to touch the manufactured homes, or mobile homse,after hurricane Katrina, and how easily destructable they are. Not that we have hurricanes here, but they group them all the same. I was very upset, and disappointed. But, knowing that there was a reason for it, I moved on. It finally came to me last night. Whatever house we find, we will only be living in for 2-3 yrs. If we were having so much trouble getting the loan for it, how were we going to sell it to someone else? So, it's just as well that we didn't get it. I liked it, but wasn't thrilled about it facing sideways, and I would much rather have the backyard all in the back, and not on the sides too. So, we are back to square one, looking for houses again. We are considering condos too. The only problem with those is no yard, and there are monthly fees, for the upkeep of the grounds, use of the pool and whatnot. There are a few houses out there, in our price range, so we'll go look at those this week. I will keep an open mind, and won't get my heart set on anything now, until it is final.

On a good note though, my brother did excellent in racing tonight!! He ran all laps of his heat race, and transfered to the B main, then also into the A main. He ran all laps of every race, didn't overheat and wasn't ran into by anyone. It was a great night. Afterwards, we all went out to Denny's to celebrate. I am so thankful of how close I am to my brothers, and my mom, and that Mike get's along so well with them too. We joke around with each other, and have so many laughs all the time we are together. We are also a major sponsor of the race car, so we got stickers printed up, and the kids handed them out tonight. I am so tired now, but can't sleep, lol. I'll post some pics tomorrow, when I get them off the cam. You can also see a slideshow of the car being put together on myspace at www.myspace.com/lawlermotorsport

Not Back to School

2006-08-25T01:06:00.000-07:00

Well, we had our first week of not back to school, lol. On Monday, I was going to let the kids stay in thier pj's and watch movies all day, but I interupted that with having to run papers around for the house. So, they did that on Tuesday, and most of yesterday too! Today, we had our Not Back To School party with our homeschool group, at Chuck E. Cheese. A few members showed up, and our kids pretty much had the run of the place. They had a great time. All the kids played so well together, even when they ran out of tokens. It was a nice day.

I had planned to start schoolwork with them at the beginning of the month. Was going to review and try to get them up to speed. Well, that didn't happen. So, hubby said just start them after Labor Day, like school was for us, when we were kids. It's still summer now!! But, the other day, when thier other friends couldn't come out to play, cause they were doing homework, they all got out some math workbooks left over from the charter last year, and worked in them. I was shocked. I am going to make up some lesson plans and just get some general things planned. They like science, hands on things, and like learning about traditions, and other countries and places. I want to get a big map, and study geography too, since I am not the best at it either. We are going to do some co-op lessons with the group too, so that is going to be fun.

Things are still in limbo right now, as far as the house. We have been turned down by the second mortage company, for the manufactured home. I am trying one more, and should hear back from them tomorrow(friday) If there is nothing they can do, they we'll have to give up on that one, and find a regular home, in our price range. I am not ready to give up right now though. It's a buyers market, and I keep getting signs to move forward. There is something out there for us, I just have to work hard to find it. Even though all I want to do right now, is crawl in a corner and cry. I am so frustrated, and so discouraged. But, I have never wanted anything so much in my life, and never been so sure of this. This is what we want. I have to keep going forward.

Roller Coaster

2006-08-14T16:45:00.000-07:00

But, not the good kind where you have fun in the process, lol. I have been on the biggest and longest roller coaster ride, for the past few weeks, and the track keeps getting longer. Things keep changing from day to day, good to bad and back again. I don't even know what things are right now, lol. We were going to switch gears and look into mobile homes. Well, the two we looked at, didn't work out. One was not that great, and the other had already had a full price offer on it. But, we did find another mobile type home, actually a manufactured home I guess. It's on a street, in a regular neighborhood, with other homes that are the same. The price was right, but we wanted to start out our offer low. We went and signed all the papers, and our realtor was ready to fax them over, but the loan guy comes back with no mobile homes at all, in a park or otherwise. Needless to say I was bummed over the weekend, trying to think of other solutions. Mike had talked to a mortage company next door to his work, on Friday. Well today the lady went over to his office, with a pr-approval letter for him. It's better financing by far!! So, we put in the offer after all, and now we are waiting to hear if they are going counter and what it will be. This waiting is killing me!! I know I am driving our realtor nuts, but she is so sweet. I found her through our freecycle group, and she has been so great! We email back and forth throughout the day, and she has been such a help to me in all this. More like a friend than just a realtor, and I think that is great!! So, we play the waiting game. I hope to hear an answer sometime tomorrow.

In the meantime, I have to get going on making up some lesson plans for the coming year. I was thinking of getting a curriculum, but we won't have the money for that this year. So, I'll work on getting things ready. We are pretty relaxed, but Daddy does want some structure, and I do need to keep the kids busy, especially on days when they can't go outside. They love science, and they are all very good with numbers.

Okay, they want to listen to some cd's, so I have to go pick some out. Hope everyone is doing well!!

New Plan

2006-08-08T00:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, switching gears, new plan! We needed to find a much cheaper house, but those are in the less than desirable areas of town, of course. In sending us listings, our realtor sent a mobile home. There are two, in the same park, but they are on their own lots, that you buy along with the house, and also have a garage. They look really nice, with a small yard, fireplace, dishwasher etc. That was our plan a few years ago, to live in a mobile home, but the one we looked at wasn't so great, and we never followed up with the finance guy then. So, we are now going back to that plan. They are around $100,000, so our payments will be much lower. We'll stay there for a year or two, fix our credit, and then look to upgrade then. It's not the optimal situation, but it will be better than being here. We'll have more room, the fireplace that I have always wanted, and they usually are very big inside. Our realtor is going to make an appt. to see them tomorrow. I'm feeling a little better about things again.

Tired of waiting !!!

2006-08-07T16:58:00.000-07:00

Our financing isn't turning out as well as we had planned. We aren't able to go for the house that we really want, but for a first house, I guess many aren't able to do that either. So, we are really going to have to settle, but I am not waiting. It was suggested that we wait another month, pay off some of the things on our credit report, and then try again. I am sure that is the mature thing to do, but I just can't do it! That month could be waiting for escrow to close. I am tired of all the noises that happen around here, underneath us, and I don't even know what they are. The pool cleaner was here today, and kept bumping the wall with the handle of the broom or whatever he was using. That's my bedroom, where I was sleeping!! I am so sick of it. And, the kids around here have no manners, and my kids toys keep getting broken, so I told them not to bring anything else out there. I am so irritated with everything and everyone. And, being this close to getting out of here is making it worse. I just want a simple, clean, decent house for my family. I want a yard, for us to sit in. I know you are all sick of reading my complaints about this, I am sick of complaining. I just want this to be over with, and be in a house. I hope it's soon.

Another Year Older...

2006-08-07T10:45:00.000-07:00

Well, today I turn 36. I have mixed feelings about this. Another year closer to 40, yuck! I like my birthday, but they just aren't as fun as they used to be. Since I am the one in the family who plans everything, I don't really want to plan my own birthday, so nothing is really going on today. My MIL mentioned back in June that she had already gotten my present, but that will be dropped off at hubby's work today, if she remembers. She can't be bothered to invite me over for ice cream or pizza or anything like that, or even drop it off here herself. My dad is off on his own vacation, visiting his family back in Mass. for 3 weeks, left on Friday, and apparently I'm not important enough to remember. My girls did make me cards, and gave them to me last night, which is sweet. My son isn't the drawing type, lol. And, both hubby and one of my brothers left a message on my myspace page, which I liked too. No one really has any money, I understand that. I'm not materialistic. Just to be remembered would be nice. I always make sure I send out cards to everyone in the family, and I make phone calls to my friends. But, everyone is so busy, they don't take the time out for birthdays anymore. So, I'm sure I will be up and down today, very emotional. Oh well, just another day I guess.

Making an offer!!!

2006-08-04T16:02:00.000-07:00

We are going to be making an offer on our first house this weekend!! I'm so excited. I'm not sure what they will say on this one. We are kind of shooting high, and going for the one we really want first, and then will go down the list of other possibles. We drove around yesterday with the realtor, and looked at quite a few houses. Of course, the ones that were willing to work with us, were crappy houses. One didn't even have a back door! If the kids were a bit older, it wouldn't have been a big deal, but they only way to get to the back yard, was through the garage, and out that door on the side. The house was a little small too. We saw some other nice ones also. I'm not really getting my hopes up for any certain one. We are in a very unique situation, where we didn't get as much financing as we had hoped, and we are going to have to ask the seller to pay for a few things. There are aspects I like and don't like about each house, so I'll just wait to see which sellers will be willing to help us out. We only looked at empty ones yesterday, thinking those would want to sell first. We'll eventually look at others later, if these don't work out. I'm so nervous now, and we are both feeling a bit overwhelmed, but we'll get there. Once we are all moved in and settled, it will all have been worth it!!

When I turned on the cold water.....

2006-08-02T17:07:00.000-07:00

I actually got cold water!!! LOL!! It's been so hot here lately, that I have had to wait 10 min. or more to get cold water out of the faucet. Now that's it cooled down, below 100, it's much better. Still have another month, possibly two, of the heat, but I hope the worst is over.

On Cloud 9!!!!

2006-07-28T15:52:00.000-07:00

I just got a call from our finance guy, that sounds good to say, lol. Anyway, he has worked wonders for us, and has found us a bank that will finance us 95%!!!!!! He is still looking into some others, trying to get 100%, but this is so much more than I expected!! We'll have to do a sellers buyback thing, but he says that's not a problem, especially with only 5% left. And, this bank will carry both loans, so we'll only have to make one payment to them. He was faxing over the info as we spoke, and should get back to us tonight or Monday for sure. If we can find one pretty quick, we can be moved in by Oct., and my oldest wants to do a luau for her birthday on Oct. 18th. I am so excited right now, but it really hasn't sunk in yet. Once we start looking, then it will all be real. I am really scared right now too, lol, but it will all be worth it!!!

Something New and Good News!!

2006-07-26T01:08:00.000-07:00

I made a frozen lasagna for dinner tonight, but to go with it, for something different, I made my first ever bruschetta! I didn't take a pic of it, cause it wasn't very pretty, lol, but did taste very good. I used frozen garlic bread, and then chopped up some tomatoes, onion, pressed in some garlic cloves, mixed in some olive oil, italian spices, salt and pepper, and topped all that with mozzerella cheese. I was very proud of myself, hehe. It's little things like that, that make me feel good about myself. I should try a new dish, or something at least once a week. Hubby liked it a lot too!

We also got some good news, for once, from our finance guy today. He says we are past the first hurdle. He ran our credit, and our scores are acceptable. He is going to call a few banks tomorrow, and give them our info, and see what they can do for us. I can't believe this is actually happening, and we are one step closer to getting a house!! We should be spending Christmas this year, in our first house. Which, has been my dream for sooooooo long. I hope for more good news tomorrow. We may not be able to get 100% financing, and if not, we'll have to do a second loan with the sellers, if they agree to it. We'll have to wait and see. I have been thinking positive about this one, and so far it's working, so I'll keep doing it!

Finished....

2006-07-23T18:12:00.000-07:00

With the bookshelf anyway. It was backbreaking work, being on my knees a lot. But, I'm done with that, and got all the construction paper and other misc. things put away that I picked up recently. Now, I just have to go and get supplies and books for this coming year. I'm doing some research online for some curriculum. I'm so tired now, so taking a break to post this. I find that showing off my work helps keep me motivated too. Thankfully I have a simple dinner of French Dips planned tonight. Think I'll make some brownies for dessert too. My shoulder is feeling much better, after putting some Tiger Balm on it. That stuff stinks, but it works pretty good. I must have slept on it wrong, or pulled something while bringing up groceries yesterday. I hate living upstairs. I am not good with stairs, and need the railing in one hand, so can only carry things up in one hand. *sigh*

Last I checked, the temp was 108 today. The kids wanted to play outside, but I talked them into sitting with thier friends and coloring, instead of running around. It's working, for now, lol. I told my oldest today that we would have a little party for all the kids here, the last Friday before school starts. She liked that idea. Then I figure on the first day of school, we'll stay in our jammies all day, or something fun, lol. Our group used to have a not back to school party breakfast, but the group has gotten too big now, for one person's house. I knew a family too that would have hot fudge sundae's for breakfast, and sit on their front lawn, and wave to all the kids going to school, lol. I don't want me kids to gloat or anything, but I want them to know how fortunate they are to be able to be homeschooled like this. I want them to be proud of it. In searching for curriculum online, I saw some Christian Academy, and noticed that they had a testamonial on there from Candace Cameron (DJ on Full House) I guess she homeschools her kids. Lisa Whelchel (from the Facts of Life) homeschools her kids too. I'm so glad to see such positive role models and good things being said about it. Okay, guess I should get back to work, and pick up the empty grocery bags that got scattered around the kitchen, lol.

My Friday Afternoon....

2006-07-23T03:12:00.000-07:00

Inspired by my friend Kolfinna, nervous energy and some country music, I too got my kitchen sink, counters and stove clean! I scrubbed and took everything off the counters, and cleaned under everything. It's such a good feeling too!! It's still pretty clean now, although we did a grocery shopping today, and I still have a few things to put away. Plus, my right shoulder was hurting this evening, so I couldn't do as much as I wanted to. I have made progress on our school shelves too, but haven't finished yet. Tomorrow I hope to get some more things done. If I am going to get this place packed up to move, we have to get some things cleaned up and organized.

Thunderstorms

2006-07-21T02:34:00.000-07:00

Anyone want to come stay with me?? HAHA!!! Can you believe that? I can't, and I live here. We had such thunder today, it was like someone was standing outside my door, banging on the walls and windows. It was so deep, I haven't heard it like that in a while. Everything rattled. It stuck around for a while too, and we are supposed to get more tomorrow, though not as bad, they say. We'll see. We were going to go out to a free concert, but it was so hot and humid, that we decided to stay in.

This is what I was trying to tackle today - our school shelf!! It's become a catch all over the past few weeks, for games and papers. The other day, I went and picked up a box and a grocery bag from a lady on freecycle, full of construction paper, and misc. arts and crafts things. So, I have to find a place for all of that too. This pic is actually a few minutes after I started sorting things, on that 3rd shelf. Most of that stuff is workbooks and worksheets from when we did CAVA, the virtual online charter last year. I looked through it, and took out what I can still use, but it's from K, 1st and 2nd, and it also has other books and lesson plans online that go with some of it. I'll post it on freecycle for anyone who wants it. Then, I'll have to figure out what to get for this year. We are on our own, just filing R-4. I am very interested though in a history program, that starts from the beginning and continues from there. Seems like a logical way to do it. A mom in my homeschool group uses it, so I will contact her about it. If it were just up to me, we would totally be unschoolers, and we pretty much are. But, hubby wants some structure, so I figure I'll get a few things to do with them. My kids like science experiments anyway, so we can do those, but I am not very good at explaining the hows and whys of things happening, lol. We'll start in August, doing a few things, and then over the next few months,as the weather gets colder, and we stay inside more, I'll increase some reading and other stuff. Our group is putting together a co-op for the fall, so that will be fun for them. Might even do a Christmas play too!

My Feelings...

2006-07-19T18:45:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. My mind hasn't stopped, even when I sleep. I think the reason this apt. living is so hard for me, is this- Ever since I can remember, all I have ever wanted to do is have a family and a house, and live a happy life. Seriously, June Cleaver and Donna Reed are my idols, lol. I was born in the wrong time period. I hate living here, and being looked at wierd. We are one of the few whole families here in the apts. and are thought to be freaks, I'm sure. We go out and do things, like the movies in the park, and go out to dinner and regular movies. No one around here does anything. It's not that we are richer than they are, but we just make the time and make it so that we can do these things. I want to be around other families, and feel better about my life and about things. I want to be the cool mom, and have all the kids over at our house, eating popsicles and playing games. I actually talk to my kids, and do things with them, and no one around here is like that. I'm the only one that goes out to check on the kids, and tell them to pick up, so my kids are the only ones that end up picking up. No one else brings out any toys, and so some of my kids things have been broken. I had to tell them not to bring things out anymore. I know that just because we get a house, things are not going to become instantly perfect, and I don't expect them too. But, I will be more in control of things. I feel like something is really lacking in our life right now, and I know that we are better than this. I'm sure you are all sick of reading this kind of post from me, lol. I do thank you, my regular readers, for being there for me, and encouraging me along. I promise, in a few months, it will be nothing but happy posts from me!! We meet with another finance guy on Friday, and he is supposed to be able to help us. We'll see. I have also been talking with another realtor, and she is great. We don't even know if or how much we qualify for, but she has already been sending me new listings, and asking what we are looking for. We've been chatting back and forth too, so she is like a freind, more than a realtor, which I really like.

On the plus side though, I went and spent $60(yikes!) on a mattress pad the other day, and it was the best thing I could have done! Hubby and I have been sleeping much better this last week. Our mattress is a hand-me-down, and it's got springs sticking out, and really uncomfortable. This new pad is pretty thick, a down alternative thing, and it's really made so much of a difference.

Okay, off to do one of those freaky family things, lol. Some Denny's coupons came in the mail today, and my oldest is staying the night with grandma, so we are taking the twins to go eat dinner.

Waiting......

2006-07-15T13:29:00.000-07:00

I hate waiting!!! We have been waiting all week to hear from the mortage guy. Of course, they are in no hurry, I'm sure they already have thier house, lol. In the meantime, I have stopped looking at houses. I don't want to get excited about one, only to have it gone by the time I'm ready to put down an offer. When I find out how much we qualify for, then I'll start looking again.

We are melting here this weeked. It is supposed to get up to 110 at some point. We'll be spending today inside, cleaning! One room at a time. That's the problem, we never really get any room totally clean, just do a little here and there in each room. Going to start in the living room, and go from there. Tomorrow we might go to a movie, we'll see. Mike and I have to sit down and figure out all the bills first.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

Never A Dull Moment....

2006-07-07T22:47:00.000-07:00

It's always something around here. Prepare yourself for this one. Today, my kids and the other kids from the complex were playing outside, like they have been doing for the past few weeks. My son comes upstairs crying, saying that the lady next door told him to shut up. He really couldn't tell me what happened, so I went next door, to sort things out. I have had problems with this woman in the past, and she is way off her rocker, serious mental problems. I wanted to find out if she really was talking to him, or did he just hear her talking to someone else, in her apt. or on the phone. I go over and knock, and the teen age daughter, who also has mental problems, answers, with an attitude already, before I even said anything. I ask, is there a problem, was your mom talking to my son? She looks at me, and says, I don't know, is there a problem? Finaly, Sharon, the mom, comes to the door. I ask her, did you say something to my son, or did he overhear you talking to someone else? She said that she did, that they were making too much noise, etc. etc. I said fine, if there is a problem, come to me, and I'll deal with it, don't yell at my kids. She then says she doesn't want to be demanded anything, I said I wasn't, I said please, come to me if there is a problem. They are my kids, and I will deal with it. Then she looks at me, raises up her right hand, which is holding a GUN! and tells me, get out of her G** damn face. I turned around, told all the other kids, go inside and stay there, and I went right back to my apt. and called 911. She didn't point it at me, and I didn't actually see the gun, it was in a holster, but she was holding the handle, outside of the holster. The sherriff shows up, rifles out, and had her come downstairs. She then denies everything, of course, saying that I am the nut. However, they did find two guns, just like I described, and a smaller black one as well. One sherriff came to me, to ask what happened, and I told him. He then asks, do you want to prosecute? Wow, that's such a big step, and I would be responsible for someone going to jail. I hate to have such problems with nieghbors, but that was just over the top. I didn't really know what she would do with it. She's very manic, and can be nice one second, and a total bitch the next. We also did talk about a mental health evaluation. I said that would be good, she does need help. Whatever they did though, I wanted the guns out. So, they did take them, and will submit the report to the DA, and they will take it from there. They took all my information, and asked if I would be willing to testify in court. I really don't want to, but will if I have to. I hate that it came to all that, and I feel like I caused the problem, but I know what I saw in her hand, and the look on her face. The apt. manager talked to her, and told me that she is upset with me, and is denying everything. But, I have known him for many years, and he did say that I did the right thing, as did the other parents here too. Many wanted her arrested. She still could be, depending on what the DA thinks. I just keep second guessing myself, but I have never seen the gun before, and the ones they found were what I described, so it has to have been what she was holding. I wonder if she doesn't even remember what she did or said. We'll see what happens. We have to walk right by her apt. every time we come or go, and that really bothers me. I'll be sitting outside with the kids from now on. I hate problems and confrontations. I hope we can get out of here soon!!!